No Label Presents: Girl Please! The Podcast
Love, laughter, peace, joy, opinions, and more !
Sister podcast to NO LABEL Presents: Man, Listen the podcast
GIRL PLEASE with your two beautiful hosts Jessica Hurt and Carmen Sheree
AUDIENCE/VIEWERS: Now is your chance to tap in with us with your anonymous story time, questions, and or tea. Inbox us or comment below topics you would like insight on !
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No Label Presents: Girl Please! The Podcast
Breaking Barriers: Black Women's Experiences in Healthcare
Two powerful stories of advocacy, determination, and success unfold as we sit with Jamisha and Chantel, two women navigating very different journeys with remarkable courage.
Jamisha takes us through her harrowing experience of delivering her daughter at just 30 weeks due to preeclampsia — a condition she knew nothing about before diagnosis. Her raw account of spending those first critical days separated from her newborn while learning her baby needed surgery for a tracheoesophageal fistula reveals the unique trauma NICU parents endure. With unflinching honesty, she describes transforming from an overwhelmed new mother into a fierce advocate, eventually securing specialized care at Boston Children's Hospital for her daughter who, at 15 months, is now thriving against all odds.
Meanwhile, Chantel shares her extraordinary journey from aspiring doctor to family nurse practitioner while raising her son as a single mother. Her story of enduring 22-hour days — attending classes, studying, working night shifts — all while battling "mom guilt" resonates deeply. Now running County Med in a medically underserved area, she emphasizes the critical importance of providers who truly listen to patients, especially in Black communities where health disparities persist.
The conversation then shifts to dating as single parents, exploring the delicate balance of career success, parenting responsibilities, and finding partners who enhance rather than complicate life. Both women offer wisdom on setting boundaries, recognizing red flags, and navigating the double standards single mothers face compared to fathers.
Through tears and laughter, this episode celebrates Black women's resilience in healthcare systems not designed for them, while offering practical wisdom on advocacy, professional growth, and maintaining personal standards against all odds.
Ready to hear from healthcare providers who genuinely care? Visit County Med at countymedo
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Welcome to Girl Please, where we dive into real conversations, real laughs and real life. Just a quick note the views and opinions expressed on this show are our own and don't represent anyone else's. We keep it fun, open and honest, so let's get into it. This is Girl Please.
Speaker 3:Welcome back to another episode. I'm your host Jessica. I'm your host Jessica. I'm your host Carmen, and this is Girl. Please, the podcast Come on.
Speaker 4:I swear I'm breaking bad. Oh yeah, best believe you gon' come correct. Oh yeah, yeah, just to let you know you can't take my soul, but you did it to me.
Speaker 1:I swear I'm breaking bad, okay you guys, we're going to start, as you cool, with our wind down and first, before we do that, we're going to introduce or allow our guests to introduce themselves.
Speaker 5:Hello, I'm Jamisha and I'm Chantel.
Speaker 1:And we're so excited to have y'all so excited, so today we are going to try a rosé. It is from Barefoot and it says it's delightfully sweet, so we're going to try and see what's in for us.
Speaker 3:Let's see how sweet it is. How sweet are you?
Speaker 1:How sweet it is to be loved by you.
Speaker 5:Look at you. That's okay. Let the games begin.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:All right ladies, let us know what you think to the room baby, alright, to the room baby are we toasting, are we toasting?
Speaker 6:we are, let's do that.
Speaker 1:I'm here for the cheers, alright, ladies. Cheers to being transparent. Yes, good energy, sharing information with our people. Anything else, and success, success, yes, let's being transparent. Yes, good energy, mm-hmm. Sharing information with our people Anything else and success.
Speaker 3:Success.
Speaker 4:Yes, let's do it baby.
Speaker 1:Good.
Speaker 3:Okay, that is good, I do like it. I like it a lot. I like it, I like it a lot, okay, so have you all tried this one before?
Speaker 6:I haven't, I haven't tried that brand. Okay, but it tastes good, okay.
Speaker 1:Well, let's get into it. Today we wanted to discuss a lot of things, but the ladies we have today are particularly experienced when it comes to maternal health as well as mental health. So, if we could, let's start with Jamisha and, if you would like, if you could share your story with us and how you arrived at someone, as someone who is an advocate for NICU awareness.
Speaker 6:I arrived as someone who's been a NICU parent totally not prepared. I had my daughter at 30 weeks. I was seven months Abruptly. I developed preeclampsia Before. I never really heard anybody talk about preeclampsia. So when my doctor had told me that I had protein in my urine, I wasn't really like for sure, because you say protein. I'm thinking like what do we think about when somebody say protein? So I'm like well, what does?
Speaker 6:that yeah, right I'm like, okay, am I not supposed to be eating? You know certain things? So you know, it wasn't really broken down to me of, okay, what preeclampsia is, and I feel like, with women, I feel like there should be awareness because I feel like we don't really know too much about it. What's your take, chantel, as far as preeclampsia?
Speaker 5:Well, I mean just black women in general. We already have such higher risk of having maternal problems in pregnancy. There's higher risk of early delivery, there's higher risk of pre delivery, there's higher risk of preeclampsia. So just you being black by itself was already a risk factor against you before you even got pregnant.
Speaker 1:Can I interrupt Because Chantel did not use her titles and I would like Chantel to give us because she's not speaking just out of you know, just speaking. She's speaking from education.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so please give us your titles.
Speaker 5:Ma she's not speaking just out of you know, just speaking. She's speaking from education, yeah.
Speaker 1:So please give us your titles, ma'am.
Speaker 5:Family nurse practitioner. What were the other ones, oh girl that's too much. M-p-m-f whatever. M-s-e-n-a-p-r-n-i-b-e-c-l-c. Yes, ma'am. F-m-p-c yeah.
Speaker 1:We have an experienced lady here, okay, so you can go on about your story.
Speaker 6:So what was next? And so I was beat back to bring it back. Okay, so I went in for that doctor's appointment and from there on I was having two weeks going every two weeks to get ultrasounds just to make sure everything was okay, and getting my blood pressure taken. Beforehand I didn't have high blood pressure, but then it suddenly developed. So that was another thing as well was having the genational hypertension.
Speaker 5:Genational.
Speaker 6:Okay With being pregnant. So they was keeping a lookout for me and I went in just for a regular doctor's appointment and my lungs wasn't sounding right. So my doctor told me to go to the hospital, get a admitted, and they was just going to watch me over a 24 hour watch, and so they gave me a shot that's supposed to help lower my blood pressure. Chancel, do you know what that shot is? Probably the beta law, but okay, I mean because you know. At that shot is girl. Probably the beta law, but okay, I mean cause you know I don't. Really.
Speaker 5:You know, at that time when your heart is racing and you don't know what's going on, you're not really listening to terms of what is what there's a lot happening cause they probably gave you a steroid shot too to help with the baby's lungs yes, I only received that.
Speaker 6:But I know it said you're supposed to receive it twice but only receive it once, because by that night I went in at nine, by eight o'clock, I was being told that I had to have a C-section and have my baby. And try not to get emotional, you're in a safe space. I was getting emotional, ok, so it's a lot Right.
Speaker 5:OK, I was getting emotional, okay, so it's a lot here, right, it's okay Okay.
Speaker 6:So I was, you know, nervous about that. So I called my mom and this was at Johnson Willis, and I told my mom and my mom came and then my daughter's dad, he was there as well and I wasn't really trying to have her, I wanted to wait and I wasn't really trying to have her. I wanted to wait and the doctor came in and was just like, well, if we waited, then, you know, my health was going to be at risk of, you know, dying. So it was like it really wasn't, you know, a choice. So I ended up having a C-section and then, like, right after, maybe we did do, did do skin to skin for a while, and then it's like, okay, well, after you finish, you know you go up to the, you know you go up to the room and then, you know, at that point I have the doctors in there coming and telling me that and it is like I can't really remember everything, but it was just saying that they had to transfer my baby to VCU. I can't really remember what they would say because I was, of course, dosed up or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 6:And so around 3 that morning, I was able to hold her for all of 15 minutes before they transfer her and during that time, after I was still on a watch because my blood pressure was still high, I still was at Johnson Willis for an additional three days. We're not seeing my baby. Not know, I don't, you know, don't know. Nothing is what's going on. I didn't see my child for three days and then, while I was there, I'm getting doctors calling, calling me, saying that my daughter have to go into surgery because she had a T, officially surgery because she had a TO. I don't know, you know, this is all these things that go was at you. You're like what is this? You don't have nobody to, I have nobody to tell me what things is going on. Ok, well, your daughter needs surgery. And I'm like, well, what in the world, you know? And I'm like I haven't seen her.
Speaker 6:And then that alone, surgery that it was going to be a procedure, that she would be okay, and I was like, okay. So we did the approval over the phone and by that fourth day, when I went, unbeknownst, I didn't know nothing about NICU. I don't have any family members or any friends who had any premature babies, so I didn't know anything about the atmosphere. So when I had went, you know, to see my daughter in the incubator and not, you know, being able to touch her or hold her and, you know, to see all these things hooked up to her. It was just like you know, it was very, very, very traumatizing. And then to figure out what T officinal was is, you know. For those it's like her esophagus, because it's three types, so type C was her esophagus and her stomach.
Speaker 1:They wasn't connected. Okay, so what did they do to help her when it comes to that?
Speaker 6:So what was next was that and this is something that I would tell NICU parents if you have a premature baby is like you have to like take control, because if not, you'll just spend days, which you know at that point, you'll spend days and days, you know like just not, you know, just waiting, yeah, for information. But I mean, she was on fentanyl and I was told that it was like a little bit of fentanyl that you know won't hurt her, but it's like okay, well, in your mind you're like okay, well, my child won't fit you. Just think about all these things.
Speaker 3:And it's an infant at that age.
Speaker 6:Yes, and then she was also incubated as well, which was another piece to it, with the incubator and I'd say maybe two weeks, they did try to take the incubator out. What's the time for that? Oh, she was intubated Intubated, yeah, and they tried to extubate her. Yeah, they tried to extubate her.
Speaker 5:You know that's a whole other language in itself. Yes, I know you speak two languages nigger Right and I'm just like it's two languages I didn't sign up for you know, but it's like you, just you know, but they tried to excavate her to and she had failed.
Speaker 6:They had to excavate her back because she wasn't able to breathe on her own and then from that point on, we were still riding the coast of like what's going on, but she was also with the intubator. You know she's on CPAP and you know they, you know basically see where she's at and, chantel, if you can follow up as far as when a baby is intubated and the numbers and all those things that you.
Speaker 5:So that is. That's a whole world in itself. I don't work in neonatology so I don't know all of the things, but basically when they're intubated they have a tube that is going down into their lungs and it's breathing for them. And then the different things when you talk about, like CPAP versus PPV and all those things it's just basically what they're doing to breathe for the baby, how much effort they're doing. So basically she was just having some extra lung support to help her breathe, but her lungs probably weren't because she was so premature, probably weren't healthy enough to be able to support her breathing on her own.
Speaker 6:Yeah, and that was like a hard thing to you know process. And then when it came to actually holding her, because you know nobody tells you okay, well, that's another thing, like different nurses and I know we've been hearing about it in the news and all these things when you're in that world, different nurses have different characters. So you have some nurses that you know when I'm in there that will be like well, you know, you can wash your baby and you can change your baby diaper and you can hold your baby. And it's like I didn't know that for a while until I had that one. It's like, oh yeah, come and change your baby diaper.
Speaker 1:Because so many people don't think that they can even speak up, or have their own thought when it comes to, you know, their baby and that whole experience. And it can be really crippling for some people. And it can get in the way also of your bonding with your baby for some people Right, and it can get in the way also of your bonding with your baby.
Speaker 6:Right.
Speaker 1:Because, like you said, the skin-to-skin is very important. Yes, the baby, smelling you and nursing and all that and. I'm sorry you had that experience. I had an experience that was not as severe by any means, but to have your to have to do an emergency C-section. Emergency C-section have your baby taken in another place and you're in another place, right?
Speaker 4:It's a lot.
Speaker 1:It's very traumatizing and you feel like almost like you've been robbed of your experience Right, so I get how that feels. Yes, just on that level.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 6:So at this time, who was your biggest support in that time period? My biggest support, you know, other than, like you know, my mom and um the support from the hospital. I would have to give it up for VCU because they had everybody there. They had the um therapist, um, they have a caseworker, they have a um social worker, um, and they you know. Then they had the chaplain that you know they came in. But a lot, honestly, was just God, because when I look back on my journey, I'm like, okay, I don't know how I did it, I really don't know you know how I did it, but I just like I have to stay strong. I have to stay strong for my daughter.
Speaker 1:I had to. So how old is your baby now?
Speaker 6:Now she's 15 months correct, 17 months adjusted, and she is doing wonderful. She is surpassing for all the odds that was against her.
Speaker 3:That is amazing. I love that. Yes, you know, sometimes we go through things and it's not the best you know circumstance to go through. But it helps you to help somebody else? Yes, you know circumstance to go through, but it helps you to help somebody else.
Speaker 6:That's what it's all about.
Speaker 3:Yes, it is, because somebody else may not have been strong enough to go through that Right, but you was Right.
Speaker 6:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:And now you're here to you know. Give your story to the world.
Speaker 1:Right Because, like I said, a lot of people just don't realize they can advocate for themselves and their kids. Yes, it's like the moment a doctor speaks. You think that that's exactly?
Speaker 6:what you're supposed to do you have no other option.
Speaker 1:There's no other you know person you can talk to.
Speaker 6:And there's actually a lot of options for those things?
Speaker 4:Yes, it is, and there's some things you can refuse as well. Yes.
Speaker 1:But I want to get to that.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 5:No, I'm all about your experiences from the provider side. It's not always that we want to separate you from your baby.
Speaker 4:Right, it's like what do we have to do? Because?
Speaker 5:in a perfect world, nobody would deliver you at 30 weeks. We don't want that. In a perfect world, we want you to have that skin-to-skin with your baby. But when it comes to we got to get this done, that happens and I think sometimes there's a disconnect in that part afterwards because you, you know you're still in the moment, you're going through it, you're feeling all the things but we're like okay, this is what needs to be done so sometimes I feel like that kind of sets it off on a bad start, because you don't know why this is happening.
Speaker 5:You just know the things that you don't have doing, all of these other things, the things that need to be done Makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that some hospitals have like a patient advocate or something like that they do, or a social worker A lot of times. I think the piece that's missing is the communication between the doctors, or the team of people that's taking care of the baby, and then the parent, because, like you said, the doctors are going to do their job, the medical side of things. And sometimes I do think that they lose sight of how important it is to bond you don't get that back.
Speaker 4:You don't ever get that back, that first day or three where you need to hold your baby.
Speaker 1:I didn't see my daughter for hours. I didn't even know what she looked like. So I mean they could have brought me any baby.
Speaker 3:Right, we know, today, we know today, twin, where you been yes.
Speaker 4:And it's a grieving process too, oh yes, there are a lot of things, even though you know your baby is here there are still processes that you grieve.
Speaker 5:You grieve not being able to have a full-term pregnancy oh yes, some people grieve not being able to. Was my baby not healthy, right?
Speaker 6:And I guess that's very true. I went through that and talking to a therapist for a long time to get me through that grieving process Because, other than me being pregnant, in my family I had two other family members pregnant and we was also. I mean, it was like, okay, my baby was initially supposed to be born October 27th, she came August 21st, and then one of my other family members their babies will be October 21st, and then the other one was in November. So it was to see everybody have healthy families around me and have their babies. And although I was happy, it was still triggering because I mourn for having my child, you know, and not me having to, you know, spend my time in a hospital in a room with four walls. But that became a norm for me, like reality. That's what it came. It's just being there.
Speaker 1:I'm really happy to hear, though, that you spoke to a therapist.
Speaker 6:Yes.
Speaker 1:Especially with the dynamic of having other family members who are awaiting babies.
Speaker 5:Yes, bringing their babies home. How do?
Speaker 1:you express to other people that you feel disappointed or you feel hurt or you had your own things. You were looking forward to that. You didn't get to have and then also allow them to be happy in their moment. Right, I'm sure that was tough, because sometimes you got to take that trauma and that need to discuss things outside of people you love Right, because you never know how things will come across.
Speaker 6:Right.
Speaker 4:And you were deserving of having that time, you know, to talk about it. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And even if things were kind of what's the word unreasonable, Right? Maybe thoughts that you had, or emotions that you dealt with.
Speaker 6:Right.
Speaker 1:Nobody can really understand that.
Speaker 6:Exactly.
Speaker 1:So I'm really happy to hear that you did that. Yeah, probably made you a lot stronger.
Speaker 6:Oh, it really, really, really did. And then another thing that you know I would like to bring awareness of is a lot of things that helped me through is that I went on Facebook and I typed in search of Google with what was going on with my child, the T official or her type C. I went and found and it's so, it's groups that you think okay, because you don't hear nobody talk about it. But I had joined that group. I got so so much learning experiences from hearing from other parents that was going, went through the exact same thing, you know.
Speaker 6:And then, as far as my daughter end up having to get a trach because that was like the middle ground, when I was just like, okay, hold up, I'm going to do my research first before we take this route it's when they brought up about the whole trach. And at that point there's another thing I knew absolutely nothing about a trachoxy, knew nothing. I never knew nobody, no friends, no family, you know. And then when I asked one of the, I remember I asked the nurse like what you know? What is in the trach? I mean, all you know, all she told me was that basically it's a hole they put in your neck. It's going to help the baby breathe and she's going to thrive, you know, and that just wasn't.
Speaker 6:That just wasn't enough for me Like she was just like okay, well, your baby, get to be a baby and push, okay, this trach. And I just was like, okay, hold up, Let me see what other options first before we you know, due to having a trach.
Speaker 3:So did she end up getting a trach, though.
Speaker 6:She ended up getting a trach. But she ended up getting a trach at Boston because I did my own due diligence and found doctors at Boston Children's Hospital that knew about the type, because with having a T-officio repair it kind of interferes with the whole breathing thing. It was an airway team and I did like I said I did my due diligence, I set everything in motion and we went flying to Boston Children's Hospital.
Speaker 3:I'm going to tell you, Boston has some of the best medical anywhere.
Speaker 6:Yeah, so we went there and unbeknownst, I'm going to tell you Boston has some of the best medical anywhere, right, yeah, yeah. So we went there and, unbeknownst, she did get a trichopexidone. Have you heard about that surgery? She did get a trichopexidone, which I had brought that out to the team when we did a care meeting. That's another thing I would like to tell parents is when you have somebody telling you this and telling you that, just call for a care meeting and that's where you can have everybody there and y'all can all talk about all of the things. Yes, a team, your team, and y'all can just come up with a plan.
Speaker 6:That's what I wish I would have known early on and therefore I think that you know she wouldn't have been impatient for so long if I would have pushed okay for a care meeting. But she got a tracheoplexy done. I did my due diligence of learning what that was and basically that's when they take her airway esophagus to her spine and it keeps her main airway open and it helps for everything, because when you have that floppy airway, secretions get stuck and you're more. You know you're prone to get sick and get pneumonia and all those things as well. So you know, when I had people you know be like, ok, well, she still ended up with the trach.
Speaker 1:I'm like, ok, that's fine, but that surgery was a big help because I don't think that Amira would be where she's at if she didn't get that surgery done in Boston. So what do they expect for her moving forward? Do they have a timeline as to if this is something she'll have to live with or if this is something she has to do until she reaches a certain age or weight or anything.
Speaker 6:What they said is that she would basically have the trach until she grows. It was her lungs. It was like her lungs just needed to—she just needed to grow, she needed to develop. Okay, well, that's great, and we go back to Boston at the end of March for our follow-up, so I'll see you know what is from there. But it's not as—I know. Some people see a trach and you know, see trach babies and you're nervous, and you're nervous and you're scared, and I was, and you have to learn all the things. But it becomes a norm and she is able to do anything any other baby is able to do. She just has this to help her breathe. It took me a while to get to that point, because you go to oh my God, why my baby have to have a trick? What is this? What is this going to do for her? You go through all of those things in your mind as well.
Speaker 1:I think we expect our babies to be born perfectly.
Speaker 4:Yes, and for nothing to go wrong.
Speaker 1:And that's just a lot of times. It's just not the case. But I think it's awesome that you advocated for her.
Speaker 6:Yes.
Speaker 1:That you did your research, that you through like with medical things.
Speaker 4:Yes, there's somebody else, hundreds of other people who are doing the same thing. They're happy to share their experience and help.
Speaker 1:So thank God for technology.
Speaker 5:Yes, but I will say I'm glad that you took what you learned and brought it to your team, because so often people just take it for what it is and everybody's situation is different. Your daughter may have had something different than what another person's child may have had, which might be why her treatment plan is different. But people don't always understand that. They so often want to come and be like my cousin had such and such and such and I want that when that might not be appropriate Right.
Speaker 5:That's definitely true, so I love that you advocated, but you also still included the team.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 6:I'm happy for you too.
Speaker 4:I'm proud of you as a mom myself.
Speaker 3:I didn't have to, you know, go through what you had to go through, but just hearing your story and knowing, you know how, I'm knowing how you felt in that time period. I'm sure it was very tough Right, and I'm sure it was times where you wanted to, you know.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Just ball up and cry. Yeah, I'm sure you did yeah.
Speaker 6:Yeah, and.
Speaker 3:I'm just glad that you kept it together.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Some people don't Right, so let's toast. I don't know if this is appropriate, but let's toast baby is thriving yes, let's segue a little bit.
Speaker 1:Chantel um. Let's talk about your journey, how you? Arrived how did you? What made you want to be a nurse practitioner? What made you? You know there's so many nurses in our area CNA's nurses which are um appreciated. But wait, what made you push past? That norm, if you will and get into studying to be a nurse practitioner and somehow accomplishing so much at such a young, ripe age. The struggle is real.
Speaker 5:But I don't know. My mama said since I was four years old, I had always said I wanted to be a doctor. So I didn't start out wanting to be a nurse practitioner, I wanted to be a pediatrician. So it's very interesting that I ended up here. But, life happens.
Speaker 5:I got pregnant and you know things happened. So I decided I would go back to school for nursing and I just fell in love with it. Like working in the hospital and seeing the interactions between doctors and patients and nurses and patients is so different. We get such a different side of the patients than the doctors do because they're in there for like 10 minutes. So then just taking those experiences and then also, you know, we're from a small community, so I've been able to be a patient and I've been able to work in this setting and just see we need people that look like us, to take care of us, to listen to us, and I was like let's just, let's just do it, let's just move forward. Let's take that passion that I had initially for medicine and want to be a provider and take the next step to be a nurse practitioner, because I have so many patients that are like I would rather see a nurse practitioner. I'm like because you know we top tier for real.
Speaker 1:Right, you actually listen to the patients.
Speaker 6:It's more of a collaborative experience than a doctor just walks in like, okay, what do you need? Right?
Speaker 5:And I think it's because we've had that time at the bedside where we've seen patients be patients. You know doctors, they just they go to medical school and that's it. You don't have to have any experience before that To be a nurse practitioner. You have to be a nurse first. You have to work as a nurse first. Yeah, so we're like the only providers where you have to work in the field first. Pas don't have to, doctors don't have to.
Speaker 4:EMTs don't have to.
Speaker 5:So we have to work as a nurse first and then you can go back to school to get your MP. Now, how long of a time you have to work, they don't have that set anymore, but just the fact that even while you're in school, that's time that you're spending at the bedside. So you know, and then like the different specialties. So, and then like the different specialties, so I just felt like it was a need and I felt like I could help with that need. And I love medicine, I love all things medicine.
Speaker 3:I believe you too.
Speaker 5:Girl. I love it. I don't know.
Speaker 3:There were times that I reached out to her and said, like I wanted to do, nursing and girl.
Speaker 5:You can do it.
Speaker 1:I don't know. You can do it, though School stressed me it. I don't know.
Speaker 5:You can do it though.
Speaker 3:School stressed me out I'm just, and it doesn't stop. It doesn't stop.
Speaker 5:I'm constantly like reading articles. I'm learning about new meds. My patients will come to me and be like well, what about this? And I'm quick to tell them I don't know, let me look into it. And I'll get back to you because it's just constantly changing and just you're never going to know all the things.
Speaker 5:With me being family practice. I tell my patients all the time that means I know a little bit about a lot of things, so the learning never stops. So my question to you is how did you reach this point of success?
Speaker 1:with a baby. Oh girl, I might need a drink on that one. You know what? You know what? Yeah, go ahead and fill my cup on that one. Refill your baby.
Speaker 5:Because it was not easy. I will say that trying to go to school, trying to work, I literally would have 22-hour days. Some days I'm going to school all day. Driving to school, trying to work, like I would have, I literally would have 22-hour days.
Speaker 4:some days I'm going to school all day driving to school.
Speaker 5:You know, being in class all day, going and waiting tables, bartending at night, getting home at 2 in the morning. I got to be back up at 5 to get back on the road so that I can get back to school. It was definitely a sacrifice and sometimes it makes me feel a little guilty because I feel like the sacrifices that my son had to make. At the same time, because you know, I felt like I'm not here, like he's doing these things and I can't be here.
Speaker 5:And it's like you think about the end goal. I want these things for him, I want better for him, but still you think about all the things that you're missing in that moment. So the mom guilt was definitely real the whole time. So finishing nursing school was it was such a relief just to know that I did it. My family supported me a lot. They would watch him while I worked. You know they would help watch him so I could study. Shout out to y'all, shout out to the village.
Speaker 4:Shout out to my family. Okay, shout out to the family. Shout out to the village.
Speaker 3:At the end of the day, we need that we need that support.
Speaker 4:I mean, if you didn't have that.
Speaker 3:how hard would it have been Right?
Speaker 5:It would have been even harder. Yeah, and when you, when you're sitting in class and you listen to these folks talk about oh you know I got to go home and study and do all these things, but I don't have all these other things to do, I'm like girl.
Speaker 4:I got to go home. I got to pick up my kid Football practice. Right, I got to get home to these places.
Speaker 5:I got to study, I got to work. Yeah, I got to study while I work.
Speaker 3:Yeah, at one point point you was working two jobs, right yeah?
Speaker 1:yeah so that's why I tell you all the time talk your shit.
Speaker 5:Okay, because you're so humble and don't realize how much you've accomplished at such a young age sometimes I don't think about it until people every now and then say stuff about it like we have to get better about receiving our compliments, whether big or small, or whether we feel like we've accomplished a lot or not.
Speaker 1:I think we should get better, as women, at receiving compliments, because you do that every time. I compliment you Every time, are you sure, right? So yeah, I think receiving compliments is important. Yes, you know, we've all been through so many different things and so many different experiences and they feel big and small depending on who you talk to.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 5:But they're still real. You know, we're still real people. But the crazy thing is I'm always telling other people to celebrate themselves congratulate themselves, right.
Speaker 3:So how do you?
Speaker 5:but I don't do it, I'm always. People are like oh, you did so much, I'm like me.
Speaker 1:I think sometimes we're conditioned to feel guilty or like we need to humble ourselves when it comes to accomplishments. And I just don't think so, you know, and as a black, woman as a young black woman. What an accomplishment you know, what.
Speaker 3:It's amazing.
Speaker 6:I think we should celebrate that too. Yeah, because Jessica's babysitting. You know what Me?
Speaker 4:too yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm babysitting. Celebrate that too. Yes, because Jessica's babysitting. You know what? Me too? Yeah, I'm babysitting for y'all. We're at the bottom of our bottom. You didn't even toast.
Speaker 5:Let's toast, oh look, sorry Girl, because when you made me think about it, I thought about all the hard work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, toast to that Toast to that, just toast to you know, it's nothing wrong with it, it's not. No, not at all with it. No, um, I think that that is. It makes you rich in the spirit to be able to do that, but also be able to do it for others right um, so I would, I would like to know, like, what made you want to have your own practice in your own community?
Speaker 4:because, you can go to any hospital you can go to any other doctor's office.
Speaker 1:What made you want to start your own business in your own community?
Speaker 5:Because I love my community, like I went on a couple of interviews and just the things that they were telling me, like the number of patients that they wanted me to see, the time limit that I had to see them, and I'm like I know the community that we live in.
Speaker 5:We're in a rural community. We're considered a medically underserved area. A lot of our patients not so much now, but they're not always the most well-educated and in this community it's a lot of ethnicities and we tend to have more health problems just because of our background and things like that. So just to have somebody that would listen, I wanted to be that person and I love when my patients come in now and they're like just thank you for listening to me. It's not always that I have the answer, but sometimes it's just a relief to them that I listen to them and I took the time to try to understand what they had going on, to lead them in the right direction or even just to tell them you know, you don't need that medicine. No, you don't need this, you're okay, it's gonna pass. So just to give them that reassurance and just to know that they are heard.
Speaker 3:I love that for you, because I feel like you're doing your due diligence to make sure people are staying healthy and doing the right things for themselves, because sometimes doctors do just give you medicine just to get you out of their face.
Speaker 4:Right For sure.
Speaker 3:But to wrap it up on that segment, boo, I just want to know where can we?
Speaker 5:find this practice Okay, so the name of my practice is County Med. The address is 103 East Broad Street in Blackstone. You can find us on Facebook. You can find us on Facebook. You can find our website, countymedorg. Book an appointment with us. We do telehealth, we do DOT, we do family medicine.
Speaker 4:Come see us.
Speaker 6:Yes Come.
Speaker 3:I love all the people. Yeah, yes, okay, I'm about to be one of your new patients, girl, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Speaker 4:I love my patients, all right, and they love you, I'm sure I'm a talker.
Speaker 5:I tell them all the time.
Speaker 4:Y'all know.
Speaker 5:I like to talk.
Speaker 1:Right Talking is good.
Speaker 6:Yes, it is Because you want to feel comfortable with who you come in to see. You know you want to feel comfortable.
Speaker 5:I think that's the number one thing. And just to remind, them that providers are people too. I think that.
Speaker 3:We are people.
Speaker 5:I have gone through some of the things that y'all are going through, so don't feel like.
Speaker 1:You can't talk to me, right? Well, usually that's the energy. Honestly, you know you talk to a doctor or provider or whatever, and you feel like they think you're dumb.
Speaker 4:It's just like they just want you to shut up.
Speaker 1:You know, just here take this medicine, so it's awesome to know that you do that with your patients, because I think it's a much better feeling, because I have experienced providers that are open and listen to me, or how I speak about my child or whatever. I'm with them every day.
Speaker 4:My kids have asthma.
Speaker 1:You can't possibly tell me what her triggers are, or you can't possibly tell me. I can tell you three days before she has you know an episode. So if a doctor listens to you. You know over and over again about a situation. It's nice to know that they trust your judgment with your own child you know, and they sometimes will go off of what you say. Um, and that's helpful and encouraging. So yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Um, do you? Do you think you'll ever want to go down the pediatrician route? I don't know. That's what you initially wanted to do.
Speaker 5:Um, I do love family medicine. I've come to love it from birth to death. I don't know. A lot of people ask me if I would want to go to med school and I truly don't know. I love the care that I give to my patients right now.
Speaker 3:I think you're in a good space. So right now, y'all we're going to take a little break and check out our sponsors.
Speaker 4:If it's not in-depth, you're just scratching the surface surface.
Speaker 2:What's going on, listeners, before we jump into the next section of the podcast, we want to take a second to thank our incredible sponsors. No Label At no Label. They believe in more than just clothing. We believe in empowering individuals to embrace their mental health journey, while fostering a sense of community that thrives on understanding and support. Not only do we create stylish clothing and comfortable street wear for everybody, from men, women to children, but we also support our community through a variety of mental health resources and mental health advocacy. We provide vital mental health support in the home, school and community settings. Our mission is to eliminate stigma surrounding mental health, to encourage open conversation. So when you choose no Label products, you're not only getting fantastic apparel, you're contributing to a movement that promotes mental health awareness and support. Together, we can make a difference. For more information, please visit our website at wwwIHaveNoLabelcom to explore our empowering clothing line and discover more about the mental health support initiatives that we're doing in your communities today. Now let's get back to the show.
Speaker 3:So, now that we're back, we're going to move into something a little lighter. We're going to lighten the load for y'all. Ain't that right? Thank you, how y'all feel about that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so what we're going to lighter, we're going to lighten the load for y'all. Ain't that right, thank you how y'all feel about that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, all right. So what we're going to do is we're going to talk about relationships.
Speaker 5:It's that lighter it's that lighter it can be.
Speaker 3:It can be.
Speaker 5:Her might need to be a little heavier for that.
Speaker 6:Bring the wine baby. Bring the wine baby.
Speaker 3:No, but seriously, I'll start with you. How do you feel about relationships and how it has affected you over the time period that you've had relationships, from the beginning to?
Speaker 6:now. Well, initially with my daughter, my focus was mainly on her. Dating was nothing that I was looking for. It was nothing that I wanted to spend. When my daughter got released from home, it was all catching up time. It was all spending that one-on-one time not being in the hospital. It was getting to her getting to me. I didn't have any. I just wasn't looking for someone until it's one of those things that just happens and it just, you know, happens.
Speaker 5:It was something I was looking for.
Speaker 6:It was, um, something that you know that just happened, um, and initially, the person I am dating now, um, what you know, I think was one of the things that you know I have loved about it was that you know, just you know, just stepping back, looking and wanting to learn. I think that's like one of the things like wanting to learn, wanting to know, I love that.
Speaker 6:And that just took it. You know, just because you have some people that you know don't want to learn or don't want to know it, just you know, might just want to. You know, boom, boom, boom what you say I know Joe's not going to say it. You know, I love it.
Speaker 6:Right, but it's just like you know, just taking, you know, just actually wanting to know all the things and just knowing that, okay, well, like with any other mom with dead children, you upset me, you know upset me and it's a priority. And with my child, come with a little bit more because she has medical. You know, she has some medical things as well. So it's like, okay, well, you know, you just can't leave her with anybody, or I just can't. I mean, nowadays you don't want to leave your child with anybody, now when everything's going to news. But you know, so that was the main thing as far as, like you know, just getting to know my child, knowing all the things and stepping up.
Speaker 1:What was that conversation? Like you know, when it came to the challenges that your daughter has, if you even want to call them challenges, it sounds like she's thriving, but there is a difference, obviously when it comes to her care.
Speaker 6:So what was the conversation like when, whatever, you decided to introduce your daughter to the person you date? Um, well, I told her, you know, I went through and like, I just like I explained with y'all just about the whole process and it's itself. And, um, you know the things that you have, like, you know, a trach, and um, you know just all the doctor appointments that we have and the therapy appointments that we have as well. And then, um, just with um, her taking point beforehand, just saying that she took a point herself to look it up herself which I didn't expect.
Speaker 6:But, you know, just taking a point yourself to do your research yourself was, like you know, okay.
Speaker 1:So she was really invested. I love that.
Speaker 3:I love that too, yeah because a lot of people don't do that.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 3:And you can tell who really just want to, you know, be in your space to get whatever they want.
Speaker 4:Right Versus you know, what I'm saying yes, definitely.
Speaker 3:I'm glad you used your discernment on that Right Definitely, and I know who her is Right.
Speaker 1:We know who her is.
Speaker 3:Her is good people.
Speaker 1:She is her, she is her.
Speaker 3:She is Chantel. I would like to ask you the same question as far as from the beginning to the end how?
Speaker 5:did you feel when you were younger, dating to how you are now? I feel like I'm in such a different space now. I'm in my grown woman energy right now Period. So you know, me and my ex were together for many, many years. So now switching into being single, being a single mom and trying to date and be a business woman and all these things, I don't know, it's weird, I don't know so. If weird, I don't know so. If anybody have any tips, please give them to me.
Speaker 5:And that part that is one thing that I'm learning is to really like dating doesn't have to be. I feel like when we say dating, people want to associate it with just one person, right? But really just like yeah, just really like just going out and meeting people, getting to know them, because I feel like we will attach ourselves to one person Right.
Speaker 3:For no reason, off the rip.
Speaker 1:Right, don't even deserve it, right, we ain't being fucked along, right.
Speaker 6:Why are you here, right but?
Speaker 5:now I'm at a point where I'm like Tuesday, please sit down Right Tuesday.
Speaker 3:Tuesday I'm at a point where I'm like Tuesday, please sit down Right. Right Tuesday. I'm trying to tell you Like right. I'm on, I was. This is Saturday, right, let me be mindful of my words.
Speaker 5:No, not really. But no, like you know I definitely have enjoyed, I don't know. I don't know Because sometimes I be tired and having to have several conversations be a little tiring. No, for real. But getting to know people has been really interesting, cause it's given me a chance to know what I like and what I don't like cause girl, the cut off game is strong as hell you better get those stock on what
Speaker 3:did they say what, uh, what, uh Booster, get, get back, get your ass back it takes a lot out of you.
Speaker 5:It does and let's be clear dating does not mean fucking a lot of people wait.
Speaker 1:Yes, you can say that you're good.
Speaker 3:I'm about to get y'all cut off already I would have been got us cut off. Dating does not mean fucking just because I'm going to get y'all cut off. Already I would have been got us cut off.
Speaker 5:Okay, yeah, dating does not mean fucking Like, just because I'm going out with you, that doesn't mean anything. When I say I'm dating and talking to people, it does not mean I'm fucking everybody I'm talking to and that's okay. Let's make that distinction.
Speaker 1:We talked about that in another episode, didn't we? I believe?
Speaker 4:Or was it a private?
Speaker 1:conversation that we had Possibly. I think maybe with the guys we might have had a conversation about how you're not supposed to attach Just like you said we make the mistake, when it comes to dating, of attaching ourselves immediately to somebody just because you vibe good, or he's this and he's that, and you know, sometimes, like you said, you need to kind of read the room, or you know, feel things out a little bit, because somebody may vibe well, he might be a very nice guy, he might have a great job or whatever.
Speaker 1:But once you've been through relationships you really learn like what you need for the long term.
Speaker 6:You can easily put people in a category very soon after you meet them Like okay, we just going to go out to eat, Right, and that's all you know.
Speaker 1:So I think people make that mistake a lot. We do not date correctly.
Speaker 5:We don't, we don't, and I'm like I'm learning it and trying to navigate. I feel like one of the things I thought about as I switched to being a single mom that is now dating one am I going to be like? Are people going to want me Like I'm old? I'm divorced.
Speaker 1:Girl, you ain't old. Let me get a close-up here, baby.
Speaker 5:I mean, I'm not old, but then you know, just think about these things.
Speaker 3:Don't take this the wrong way. Just think about these things, because I've never had to think about it.
Speaker 5:I've never had to think about it.
Speaker 4:I've never had to date with a kid Right.
Speaker 3:So, this is new to me. Don't take this the wrong way, because them people don't give a damn and I'm on a date. They don't give a fuck.
Speaker 4:They love you, they don't care, they like that chocolate, they do the melanin. I had to get that, the melanin.
Speaker 5:They do okay. But yeah like you know, Trying to learn how to date being a mom and balance that between okay, I have priorities, I have my son, I have my business, I have all these things, but I'm getting there. Don't you think there's a?
Speaker 1:double standard when it comes to dating, when it comes to moms and dads yes.
Speaker 5:Because if a mom dates, you're basically you know you're a whore when you're outside shaking ass.
Speaker 4:You're a whore Right when you're outside shaking ass you're a whore, mind your business. My son is good Right and I'm not going to introduce my son at me.
Speaker 6:Your son, right?
Speaker 3:I'm not going to introduce my son to something that's not going to go anywhere, but I feel like that's a thing too.
Speaker 5:Like because the people that I have talked to, my son has not met anybody Right and that's because when I do bring him around somebody, I want to know that it's a person that is going to be good for him.
Speaker 4:Exactly Like you said somebody that's good for your child too.
Speaker 5:Yeah, Because I'm raising a young man Like I need a man that's going to show him how to, you know, Be a man, be a man. You have to think about the, but I feel like dads they just be like we can do it.
Speaker 3:Whatever, right, it don't matter. Listen, I'm going to tell you something. It do matter. It matters a lot. Watch who y'all be having around y'all kids, right? Definitely oh fathers.
Speaker 5:Okay, that's fine. Yeah, we can. We can. What is that? As long as they're being fathers.
Speaker 3:Right, let me not make that, you know, make it seem like I'm saying my son's dad is not a father. I don't want to invite a misconstrued dad. We're not ruffling any feathers. We're not ruffling any feathers here Today, today, today.
Speaker 5:But yeah, I feel like men can introduce their kids to however many women, and it's okay. No they say this is my friend, yeah, but as soon as Exactly. And kids know it. Y'all was supposed to have those kids in the backyard, but as soon as you introduce your child to a man, oh, you got all these men running in and out.
Speaker 1:It's always all these men I'm like oh, it's always.
Speaker 5:I thought all was girl. Girl, that's just a singular Right. I only have one situation currently actually that one.
Speaker 3:I'm in one situation currently. Actually that one didn't count. You're in my business, right? My?
Speaker 1:second marriage is really the only one okay it's a double standard, though, but I think kids too like they almost hold their parents in a high, or their mother in a higher expectation you know I think dads are kind of just allowed to do whatever like, no matter what they do. They're so amazing and they're so fun. And then moms just have it hard, yeah, yeah. And that's not taken away from involved fathers.
Speaker 3:Please Right, we're not talking about anybody specifically, not specifically. So we're not. We're just saying Overall it's a generalization about.
Speaker 1:You know the double standard, and I'm sure they go the other way too. Right Comes to certain things, but we do have a hard job because I believe that whatever your children are exposed to, I personally feel like it's on me.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:The dad can do. You know, dads can do whatever.
Speaker 4:But when?
Speaker 1:it comes to me, I feel like I'm ultimately responsible for what they're exposed to, and that goes for fathers as well, we've made these choices when it comes to dating, when it comes to who we've had kids with, whatever, but, ultimately, it feels like the mom is most responsible for their kids' experience.
Speaker 3:I've got a good question that just came to mind. That is how was it to be a wife? We're sitting at a table with two people.
Speaker 5:Oh girl, you don't want to ask me that we do Go ahead. Yeah we do. You're our guest, oh.
Speaker 1:Lord, drop the mic.
Speaker 3:Because I did hear you say that, like your second marriage was your only marriage right.
Speaker 4:But that was just a Gonna be, gonna be your only marriage, right.
Speaker 3:So you do have the openness to know that you are willing to get married again Absolutely so how did you feel being married?
Speaker 5:I don't know. So I would absolutely be open to getting married again, but entering into it in the right space. I can't know. So I would absolutely be open to getting married again, but entering into it in the right space. I can't necessarily say I think we entered into it with good intentions but it didn't it didn't have that longevity that you thought in the beginning.
Speaker 3:Yes, just because how old were you when you?
Speaker 1:got married.
Speaker 5:Girl. We got married in 2020. So I was 30.
Speaker 6:Okay For some reason I thought it was a lot longer Because we were together for a long time, a long time before you got married.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you still kind of had that marriage element to the situation if you will, without the paper.
Speaker 5:Yeah, without the papers. You still had the role and the relationship that was very similar to marriage Right right.
Speaker 5:And I would do it again. Being older and knowing what I know now and I feel like knowing myself a little bit better too, that I can enter into it a little bit better I know what I will and won't accept. This time I can't say necessarily know what I'm looking for, because I don't necessarily know what I'm looking for as far as a person, but just the type of relationship that I want to have. And then even you know, circling back to dating with kids, like when I think about a relationship, I want my son to see somebody love me the right way, Like I want him to see somebody care for me the way that I would want to see my son care for whoever he's with Right.
Speaker 5:And, like you said, what they see is, it's so important.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's important, but it's on you. That's how I feel about it anyway.
Speaker 5:I mean when you learn. The way we learn to speak is by what we hear and by repetition.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 5:So our actions are the same way.
Speaker 4:I feel like.
Speaker 5:Our kids are going to be a reflection of what they see. Now I mean, can that vary? Yes, yeah.
Speaker 3:But with most of the population that we're talking about, then, yes, they learn from what they see.
Speaker 5:Right, that's going to be your foundation is what you've seen, what you've been exposed to Right and I, you know, I want to be exposed to something good. Right and I want somebody that's going to help him flourish. Yes, Intention has been my word Right. Intention is so important.
Speaker 1:It's like you go into a situation with like a game plan and what you want and also what you have to offer, I think sometimes, when we enter relationships or situationships, even a lot of times it's about what that person can provide for us.
Speaker 4:Even if it's an ego stroke.
Speaker 1:Even if it's a situationship and they provide us with time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because I was about to say something.
Speaker 1:I'm glad I remember.
Speaker 5:Everything has its purpose? No really, and I think that's important too when it comes to dating.
Speaker 1:It is okay to look at somebody and be like, yeah, it's not going to work long term.
Speaker 6:But you're cool Like you can hang out.
Speaker 1:I just know that this is not going to go for the long haul and that's okay you know, but I think communication and being super open about what you have to offer what you want for the person is good Right.
Speaker 3:So, going on from that, because y'all have different elements of what you have seen in the past, what you're willing to accept, what you're not willing to accept, what is a red flag for you?
Speaker 6:Being that a red flag, I mean it's different now with a red flag, with me not having a child and me having a child, okay, well, give us both.
Speaker 6:Give us your younger red flag and then hit us with this Okay, so the younger red flag will be off top of anything sexual. So that's a red flag Because you already tell and I'm glad that you're telling me you know from the get-go what you're looking for. So if there's anything sexual coming off from the beginning, then it's a cutoff. Yeah Well, that's what they're going to want, that's just what it is.
Speaker 1:They just need to not say it, but I mean right.
Speaker 6:But you know, now it's just, I feel like guys have women, have made it so easy for guys to be so comfortable with just how it is. I mean it's just, I mean, it's just straightforward.
Speaker 4:I agree with that, you know, and I'm like, okay, well.
Speaker 6:I'm glad that you're you know. I want somebody to let me know from the beginning that this is what you're looking for and therefore we can just you know cut ties. Like I don't want to waste my time.
Speaker 2:It's probably a fine line though, like how do you be up front and say I'm just looking for A, b, c or D.
Speaker 1:And then also have some tact with how you deal with a woman, because a lot of women do not want to hear that they don't want to hear. I just want to sleep with you or I just want somebody to hang out with and you know, hang out with casually, I don't care. To hear the truth. Yeah, I want you to tell me. Can I just be clear?
Speaker 3:I don't care to hear the truth.
Speaker 4:Yeah, see, I just know.
Speaker 1:No, I don't.
Speaker 6:You just know, I'm not with you.
Speaker 1:I would be madder.
Speaker 5:I would be, madder off your lies If you told me to choose in the beginning.
Speaker 1:Let me choose. I'm sorry.
Speaker 5:The only person I could be mad off is my moves. You'd be surprised If you tell me Right If you say well, look, I'm really just trying to fuck and I'm like, okay, and I expect to make you the love of my life and you're like girl, I really just wanted to fuck. I told you what I said from the beginning. Right, I can't be mad at that.
Speaker 3:A lot of women be delusional. I will say a lot of people are delusional when it comes to that. But you know, for me, say what you say and say what you mean, right.
Speaker 5:Because my cutoff game, what you?
Speaker 3:say I'm going to kick your ass in your chest, Get back. That's so funny. What's your now?
Speaker 5:I love that we switched back to being serious Right.
Speaker 6:So now.
Speaker 3:What is your red flag now, when you look at people that you're willing to be with.
Speaker 6:If that's the case.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying. I know you with somebody now she is not single Okay.
Speaker 1:Period, period.
Speaker 6:A red flag now I never processed what would be a red flag for me in the dating pool in space Because you were blessed with green flags.
Speaker 1:Okay, it's a green flag, okay, yeah all greens.
Speaker 6:I haven't had a chance to have a red Green flag. I haven't had a chance to have a red you ain't got to worry about that, like a red, you know, like a red flag, I don't, I don't know. I never, really, it's never thought about it.
Speaker 5:I love that for you. I can say the same.
Speaker 1:honestly, I haven't had one red flag yet in my current relationship.
Speaker 4:Oh, awesome Did y'all say the Sierra prayer Did we say the Sierra prayer.
Speaker 3:Oh, the prayer the Sierra got for Russell.
Speaker 4:Wilson, we never talk about Russell.
Speaker 3:Wilson in that situation because the last time, Russell, you need to get up off that woman.
Speaker 1:She's hurting him every quarter. Ain't mad at her. You know what? Every nine months I got you?
Speaker 4:no, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 5:I'm not the one or the two, but I'm just trying to figure out cause I'm the only single one up here not for long, not for long.
Speaker 1:The world has seen you.
Speaker 3:Now, baby, I ain't got you so, chantel, what was your red flag in your younger?
Speaker 5:I didn't have any. That's why I was stupid for a long time.
Speaker 1:So now that you're in, the dating world and you have you know, matured and figured out for the most part probably, what you want. You have probably been through a few frogs. Girl, girl, you have been through a, did they say?
Speaker 3:ribbit. They said ribbit and I missed it. I didn't hear it Right, so you know what are the things?
Speaker 1:that make you just say you know what? No, you know just red flags. That immediately pop up where you just know damn well you are not going to continue with that person. You're uninterested.
Speaker 5:Oh, you're a nurse practitioner, so you got money huh. No.
Speaker 3:Hey, no label, what?
Speaker 5:we doing?
Speaker 3:We exiting that shit off Right. You're off of here.
Speaker 1:Get them up out of there. Get them up out of there. Right, oh, can you come pick, get them up out of there.
Speaker 3:Get them up out of there.
Speaker 5:Right, oh, can you come pick me up?
Speaker 4:No, Picking you up is crazy Right.
Speaker 5:I'm cool with that.
Speaker 1:Subliminal, I see you.
Speaker 4:I see you as long as I'm in the passenger side, right a little shot. That's a step. I see you, you see me, as long as I'm in the passenger side.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 5:You know, because I'm in my passenger, princess, I'm in my soft girl era.
Speaker 1:Yes, and don't get out of that either. Don't get out of that. Stay right there where you're soft, and if somebody doesn't fit in that equation, then they got to go. I think I know.
Speaker 5:But I don't know Like I feel like too, my wife. I have a very dominant personality, but, babe, I want somebody that's going to sit me down.
Speaker 4:So I need you to be more dominant than me.
Speaker 3:I need you to be stronger than me.
Speaker 5:And I feel like that's a problem too, like especially where I am in my life. I feel like that can be kind of intimidating Because I know who I am and I know what I want. Well, I shouldn't say know what I want, because I don't know what I want, but you know, I know where I'm trying, the direction I'm trying to go, and I feel like that can be kind of intimidating because it's like, okay, I went to school, I did this, like I have a business I have. I don't need you to take care of me. Right, you are here to be an addition to my life fine line right there too.
Speaker 3:I was just about to ask you so, with you being a nurse practitioner and you having all of this success when you date people, are you X-ing people off if they are not on your?
Speaker 1:caliber no. So are you one of those that says I'm not going to choose a date path to write no?
Speaker 5:I. Are you one of those that?
Speaker 1:says I'm not going to choose cake pie today. No, I'm hungry, hungry, hungry. Feed me. I'm hungry, no like.
Speaker 5:I feel like that is a part of accepting people as meeting them where they are.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 5:I don't need somebody that's out here making six figures. That's got, you know, five cars. That's got two houses. Now, mind you, if that's what you have, I'm okay with that.
Speaker 3:I'm okay with that too, baby.
Speaker 5:But if that's not what you have, I'm okay with that too. My thing is what are you trying to do with yourself? Are you trying to be better?
Speaker 5:Ambition, not like status, but more like ambition, ambition mentality like status, but more status, right, like there's your mentality. And then what are you trying to do with what you have, if I know that somebody is really doing the most of what they have? Okay, if you ain't got but $20 but you're like, look, I'm gonna send you just $20 for lunch just because or, you know, I want to do this for you just because, then I'm here for it right, a man with a lot of money to throw you some money, right, I think I saw something on Facebook or something.
Speaker 1:About the $30? Yeah.
Speaker 3:Somebody was like, oh, he could have kept that shit. First of all, bitch, if you eat more than $30 for lunch you big back bitch, stop eating, stop eating. And that's why I'm in the gym so I don't be high, so you're not being a big fan.
Speaker 1:I'm trying, I'm trying.
Speaker 5:So my lunch will be less than $30.
Speaker 1:$30 is crazy though.
Speaker 3:You're crazy, really You're feeding yourself.
Speaker 1:You're not feeding your family. They taking home food to the kids.
Speaker 3:Right, if that's what you wanted to do, you should have told them hey, I got to feed my kids too.
Speaker 5:Mm-hmm, but also knowing where I am and what I am not going to sacrifice. There are certain things that I like and there's a certain type of way that I enjoy living my life, and if those are not the type of things that you want to do and you're not trying to work towards, then we don't, you know it's not going to work, it's okay.
Speaker 1:It's okay. I learned that too, like I think that I was trying to put people mold people a bit when it comes to dating, because it's like, oh well, you have these few qualities that I like or you're really fine and you know we can work with this, but I had to learn like I don't know. People either possess what you need or they don't.
Speaker 5:Right.
Speaker 1:Period. I think, I spent a lot of time like I said molding someone or even tricking myself into thinking that they fit the bill.
Speaker 5:Right.
Speaker 1:And not when it comes to job. Not when it comes to job, not when it comes to looks or anything like that, more so how do you make me feel? Right, you know not what you give to me, but how do you make me feel am I nervous around you? Do I have to like make myself small to make you comfortable?
Speaker 1:right things like that, and that's what I don't want to do, right I'm not gonna do it, I'm gonna be goofy, I'm gonna be opinionated, I'm gonna be um quiet sometimes. I'm'm going to be silly sometimes.
Speaker 6:Sometimes, right, this is me, this is you know, this is what you get, right who I am Right.
Speaker 1:So I've been in a situation you get what you get and you don't throw a fit Right, but also knowing that people aren't going to be everything.
Speaker 5:You know, people can't be everything Right, because we're not either Right, but what you're giving me, is it enough for me? Can I live with your flaws?
Speaker 3:Right, because that's a big one, don't get. We need to add flaws in the segment. Flaws are relative though.
Speaker 4:You know they are, they are very relative. What are things I don't like?
Speaker 5:Right, don't make me do it just because I can. Oh well, that's a good one.
Speaker 3:Yeah, don't make me do it just because I can. Oh yeah, that's a good one, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5:And that's the energy I'm looking for.
Speaker 3:Just because I can doesn't mean I want to. Right, because I can take the trash out. Bitch, take the trash out Because.
Speaker 1:I look like I'm about to start acting like what was that? I look like taking the trash out damn it.
Speaker 5:Girl tire and I'm like Putting air in the tire is cold. It's cold. I'm not like girl, literally, when I tell you changing, getting it out the trunk, putting it on my car, jacking it up, and all I'm out there doing these things. I'm like where's my man? Just because I can, don't make me do it.
Speaker 6:You shouldn't have to.
Speaker 1:It's like there's so much balance needed when it comes to man and woman, and as independent as we get as independent as we, get as much as we can do.
Speaker 5:like you said, put me in a space where I don't have to Put me in, a space where I feel like you are of some value because why are?
Speaker 1:you here.
Speaker 6:Why are you?
Speaker 1:here if you don't have anything to offer you don't have anything to make my life easier because, quite frankly, I can make yours easier. I can do all of the things. I can make you not have to think about A, B, C and D, or you don't have to do your laundry.
Speaker 3:You don't have to worry about cooking.
Speaker 1:You don't have to do any of these things, but I shouldn't have to take my trash. I'm not doing it, chivalry.
Speaker 5:Yeah, it's not dead.
Speaker 3:It's not or at least in my mind it's not dead.
Speaker 5:That's what I want.
Speaker 3:It's not dead. Well, ladies, I want everybody to come to an agreement with the chivalry is not dead.
Speaker 1:Right, let's toast to that. Don't make your woman do something. One last one Don't Do something. That's going to have to be Not only your woman, but just your partner.
Speaker 5:Right, you have a partner male, female, whatever.
Speaker 4:Right, it's all about partnership.
Speaker 1:Right, Y'all love that. Y'all see that. Do you like that baby? Do y'all?
Speaker 3:see that Comment. Comment including the men.
Speaker 1:I like that.
Speaker 3:That's right. Include the men folks. Now I just want. This was an amazing episode.
Speaker 5:I am so happy that we had y'all as guests.
Speaker 4:I had a good time.
Speaker 5:I was happy to be here.
Speaker 4:yes, Okay, y'all like the wine Girl. Yes.
Speaker 1:I didn't drink three glasses of it. You're feeling sexy now, ain't you, baby?
Speaker 3:You can't finish it up the last toast is going to be us bucking this wine Girl.
Speaker 5:If I had a man, he might be in trouble.
Speaker 1:Are still rolling, they are still rolling, they rolling baby.
Speaker 4:Thank you so much for being here, ladies, it was really a pleasure.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing your story, thank you for sharing your outlook on things and all of your success and experience, and I hope somebody takes something from this episode.
Speaker 3:Come back y'all and see us next time Alright, and this is the end of the girl episode. Girl, please.
Speaker 4:Of my cat. Yay, it's Jo Frost.