Beyond the Situationships: Finding Peace in Your 30s

What happens when three women get together to talk about life's messiest moments with total honesty? Magic.

In this unforgettable episode, hosts Jessica and Carmen welcome Jessica's best friend of over 20 years, Shannon, for a conversation that covers everything from the foundation of lasting friendship to the complexities of young motherhood and the adventure of dating in your 30s.

The chemistry between these long-time friends is immediately evident as they reminisce about their journey together – from high school days to navigating motherhood as teenagers and now finding themselves as independent women. Their friendship has weathered various life phases, with Shannon noting they can "go to church, go to the party, go to the bar, be at work, and be lit every time."

The vulnerable discussion about becoming mothers at a young age resonates deeply as they share the challenges of balancing childcare, education, and personal growth. "I still don't really know how I felt about it. I was young," Shannon admits about having her first child shortly after high school. Now a mother of four working two jobs while finishing her nursing degree, she offers a powerful perspective on perseverance.

Their candid takes on dating had us laughing and nodding in agreement. From situationships to spelling-challenged suitors, the trio doesn't hold back on what they've learned from past relationships. Shannon's declaration that she's "single and dating" leads to an exploration of what it truly means to heal versus being completely healed – a distinction that might just change how you view your own relationship journey.

Ready for some grown woman conversation that's equal parts hilarious, heartfelt, and healing? Press play and join us for an hour of unfiltered realness that might just make you feel seen in ways you never expected.

Subscribe now and join the conversation – because sometimes the messiest talks lead to the clearest insights.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Girl Please
• 7:30 20-Year Friendship: Jessica and Shannon
• 23:30 Young Motherhood Challenges
• 38:46 Balancing Mom Life and Personal Time
• 59:00 Communication and Raising Teenagers

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Girl Please, where we dive into real conversations, real laughs and real life. Just a quick note the views and opinions expressed on this show are our own and don't represent anyone else's. We keep it fun, open and honest, so let's get into it. This is Girl Please.

Speaker 3: 0:23

Welcome back to another episode. I'm your host Jessica, I'm your host Carmen and this is Girl Please, the podcast I swear I'm breaking bad.

Speaker 4: 0:33

Oh yeah, Best believe you gon' come for red oh yeah, yeah, just to let you know. You can't take my soul, but you did it to me. I swear I'm breaking bad all right, y'all.

Speaker 1: 0:47

Per usual, we start our segment on down um.

Speaker 3: 0:51

Today, we do have a guest I would like jessica y'all. This is my best friend. Best friend, do you hear me all? So we've been friends for about 20 years, more than 20 years actually.

Speaker 4: 1:07

For real.

Speaker 3: 1:07

Because yeah, Forever.

Speaker 4: 1:09

Forever.

Speaker 3: 1:10

Really, I seen her at school one day, and we was like can you be my bitch? Are you my bitch now? For sure, Forever. So yeah, we've been friends for a mighty, mighty long time, but no, we've been friends for a mighty, mighty long time, but no, we've been friends for a really long time and she has helped me through so much, and on this episode y'all will see just how much we have been helping each other. So at this time we're going to pour some wine so we can really wind down.

Speaker 3: 1:38

Let's do it and give y'all what y'all been waiting for, okay.

Speaker 1: 1:42

What's my name so?

Speaker 3: 1:43

this wine I waiting for, okay, so this one, this.

Speaker 4: 1:49

I'm sorry her name is shannon shannon b back in the day her name used to be paris, but we will talk about that no more. We'll talk about bruno.

Speaker 1: 1:52

We'll talk about all right, so we're gonna start with, um, our wine down segment. Um, today we have yet another barefoot wine. It is a red mosc. This also says deliciously sweet. This is room temperature, actually, how I prefer my wine, so hopefully y'all are okay with that.

Speaker 3: 2:12

I'm a cold bitch. No, for real. It looks good. We're going to pour it up and see what you think, ladies, all right, let's see what that red wine's talking about. Bloop, bloop, bloop. I've actually had this wine before, so I already know what it tastes like. And I love it naturally.

Speaker 1: 2:29

Red wine is really good with steak. It pairs well.

Speaker 3: 2:31

Take me to dinner, baby.

Speaker 4: 2:35

I need a steak or something. Let me go ahead. We're pairing the wine Too much for me. I could go for a steak.

Speaker 3: 2:42

I can go for a steak too. You SDA baby.

Speaker 1: 2:47

Y'all speaking with your eyes over here. I can't help it. I feel like I know your language.

Speaker 4: 2:51

She needs to know she keep messing with me and shit Get out of my head.

Speaker 1: 2:55

Please, please, let's toast. Jessica's a little premature over there, I'm sorry. Then sip the damn wine, okay, because one thing about me, I'm going to drink it. Okay, so let's toast to friendship. Let's toast to growth, prosperity, positivity, all of those things.

Speaker 3: 3:12

What you think. All of the things, all of the things I'm on that, let's go we ain't going to buck it y'all, Even though I want to. I want a bucket, but I'm going to be conservative.

Speaker 1: 3:24

It probably would be better cold I like that, that little fizz to it.

Speaker 3: 3:29

It's good, yes, it's yummy. So y'all, we're going to go right into the dynamic of our friendship and I'm going to let Shannon talk about that a little bit.

Speaker 4: 3:38

So we've been friends for a long time and I feel like for us it's just all in, like we can talk to each other about whatever no judgment here because I got a lot of skeletons, baby, and she going to take them with her to the grave and if the bitch don't, she dead.

Speaker 3: 3:52

Oh wow, wow. We going to get canceled by the mall. Oh boy, don't kill me, bitch, kill yourself.

Speaker 4: 3:59

Good friendship is based off communication and I feel like we can communicate whether it's serious. She's my multi-purposeful friend, like we can go to church, we can go to the party, we can go to the bar and we can be at work and we're gonna be lit every time in every situation we're gonna be adaptable, okay, and at the party at 12 and at work at 7, hello, so today in the morning, it's me and I'm here, you're gonna get me as I am, I do love that.

Speaker 3: 4:27

It's crazy. My mom would always tell me about this story. When we went on a field trip and Shannon was a part of her group of kids, that was that she had to chaperone. It is so funny to see your baby look just like you.

Speaker 4: 4:43

It's crazy, shannon probably gave your mama a run for her money on that field trip and to see your baby look just like you is crazy.

Speaker 1: 4:45

I don't remember. It's crazy. Shannon probably gave your mama a run for her money on that field trip. I remember us going to James' town.

Speaker 4: 4:49

Oh, now you remember, but I don't remember the trip. We didn't have so many trips. I bet your mom remembers yeah, she do, literally, she talk about it all the time.

Speaker 3: 4:56

We had a good time, but, yeah, back to the friendship. It's been crazy y'all. We have had amazing times. I don't really think we had a lot of bad times.

Speaker 4: 5:08

Not a lot of falling outs. I feel like a few here and there, based off of other people tearing us apart when we were younger. As older we have been able to be like let's talk about it, let's be rational. Is it worth 20 years of friendship over some, he say, she say when we can talk about what happened?

Speaker 3: 5:24

I agree with that. Carmen came into doing Shannon through me, which was really really good. Carmen, you can explain your my love for Shannon.

Speaker 1: 5:36

Because I love y'all. I don't get to see Shannon as much as I would like to, but the first time I met her I was like I love her, I love At your house, probably at my house would like to but the first time I met her I was like I love her, I love, I don't ain't no telling at your house.

Speaker 4: 5:46

It might have been at my house, um or out somewhere probably the bar.

Speaker 1: 5:50

We love the bar first of all, when it comes to my friends, um, I'm not that friend who has an issue with you having a best friend or an issue with you having like this longer, deeper connection with somebody. I actually really appreciate that because I want nothing more for the people that. I love my friends to have other friends who are as supportive, and I think it's such a beautiful thing to go through so many phases in life where you can go from, like you said, elementary- high school, going through the bullshit, growing, figuring out who you are.

Speaker 1: 6:24

And then sometimes you figure out who you are and you go through things and then there's a whole nother person unveiled after that. So I also have friendships that are, you know, 20 years plus, that I value so much. So I really love seeing that in y'all.

Speaker 2: 6:40

But when I met.

Speaker 1: 6:40

Shannon, she was just one of those people who was unapologetically herself, literally Every time you don't get it. She says exactly how she feels she will tell you a story and have you cracking up and it be the truth, it be the truth. She has the most witty answers immediately to everything. So I just appreciate getting to know you through Jessica. I appreciate you and also knowing that my friend has someone who's such an amazing friend to her. I love that about you.

Speaker 4: 7:09

I ain't doing no crying bitch, because I'm telling you Don't cry, please.

Speaker 1: 7:13

Why put your hands away?

Speaker 4: 7:15

bitch we good.

Speaker 3: 7:16

We good Definitely good, it's just been outstanding. I'm not even going to lie, even for us coming together as three we've always had a good time. Yes, literally the bar what?

Speaker 4: 7:31

we used to host at the bar. Literally, I remember carmen coming in at my birthday party.

Speaker 2: 7:35

I'm like thank you for coming friend, I don't know you that well, but thank you you came to my birthday party

Speaker 4: 7:40

and whatever I do too is shannon coming completely intoxicated?

Speaker 1: 7:43

I'm just thank you for being here.

Speaker 3: 7:44

I can't even open my eyes. Thank you, I'm so happy Every single time. So, with that being said, we to kind of get into deeper conversation. I've seen different, I guess, moments with you. I've seen different time periods with you. Definitely, what has been your biggest struggle with growing as a person?

Speaker 4: 8:19

My biggest struggle is always second-guessing myself when I want to do something, needing that reassurance that we talked about with another coworker.

Speaker 3: 8:27

Yeah.

Speaker 4: 8:28

That's been my biggest struggle yet and I'm still struggling, but you keep me motivated to like if you're going to do it, do it, Do it. Don't think back and I think I be doing the wrong things when I say I'm going to do it, Because I do it for real.

Speaker 3: 8:39

You be thinking about the wrong shit that you're doing and I'm going to do it every time. We got to learn from my experience and I got a lot of them. This is my year of learning and growing. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, and.

Speaker 4: 8:50

I'm appreciative, and Carmen will always give good advice, not even knowing the situation. She'll well, as an adult, you should.

Speaker 3: 8:57

This is the logical, but the Shannon thing.

Speaker 4: 8:59

Shannon going to do Shannon, shannon, shannon's going to be Shannon. I'm doing better, y'all for real.

Speaker 3: 9:03

It's okay. It's okay Because we all got those different aspects to us and we all got to, you know, accept people, we do, we do. Like you said in the beginning, like you be on bullshit sometimes and I'm not always willing to be with your bullshit- Not at all I mean, at the end of the day, you're a good person, and You're a good person and.

Speaker 4: 9:21

I know that you're a good person.

Speaker 3: 9:22

And I know that you really don't want nothing bad for me, never and I don't want nothing bad for you Never. That's the good thing.

Speaker 1: 9:30

That's rare.

Speaker 4: 9:31

It really is, because I want my friends to succeed. It's enough money for all of us to eat in this world, and I feel like we're going to all do it, and this might be her moment. She's going to do the same A hundred percent and you know that. That's why we're friends.

Speaker 3: 9:44

You know that. So, moving up with the, when you grew up, we grew up together For real. We had kids at a young age. Yes, how did you feel about?

Speaker 4: 9:58

that I'm still. I still don't really know how I felt about it. I was young and I felt like we had good support systems. Our support systems were similar, so having a good family really helped me because I could still be a teenager and people hated me for that, hated me for that that I could still be outside and the baby was okay. But I was 17, 17, 18 when we had our kids.

Speaker 4: 10:21

We graduated and everything Went to college. That didn't work, but still I made it. So I feel like being a young mother was. It was a struggle and it still is, because I kept having kids. I didn't stop After one. I had four of them kids and it's still a struggle, but I'm growing and I feel like with the right people in my corner, I have really molded into a good mother for real. With the drinking, the partying and the mama shit, I balance it all.

Speaker 3: 10:46

Balance it out, and that was something that we wanted to bring up today, like how do you balance it out, how do you find a way to balance out? I'm still me.

Speaker 4: 10:55

It's so hard, I haven't figured it out and I have kids.

Speaker 1: 10:57

Yeah, how do you deal with that, Like, how do you balance? You know wanting to be outside, as you said, or just wanting to have fun. Let your hair down a little bit, get away from the kids, because I can relate.

Speaker 4: 11:08

How do?

Speaker 1: 11:08

you balance that. And then the mom aspect of things all the responsibility and obligations that you have.

Speaker 4: 11:16

I feel like it's a struggle and I don't have a lot of help from the fathers. So for me it's me, my mom and my grandma we thugging together and that's really how I balance mine. I go to work, work, both jobs and I got somebody at home to be like all right, I got kids. Just make sure when you get here you get them situated and you can go to your next job. I got you and if I want to go out? It's pretty much the same scenario that's good, but for you with the kids, with the age gaps.

Speaker 4: 11:39

I've always wondered how do you do that? Because now I have a little kid and I got teenager. How does that work?

Speaker 1: 11:45

because they really don't like each other that much it's tough honestly, because I have 16, 13 16 is crazy and just turned six, so it's almost like I have the set of big kids is what I call them.

Speaker 2: 11:58

I say right, the big kids and I call them the little kids and the age gaps are like three to four years for each kid.

Speaker 1: 12:05

But it's hard because teenagers are in a different phase in life where my daughter could be listening to something that I don't want the little boys to hear. You know she's 16. Like at her age, it's it's. I trust that she isn't as impressionable as someone who's you know, six years old, nine years old, just saying whatever they hear. Right, she understands a little bit she understands, Like she knows what she can and can't do or can and can't say.

Speaker 4: 12:33

Right.

Speaker 1: 12:33

But it's tough sometimes because me and my older kids may be joking about something or having a discussion and then I have to remember like the little boys don't need to hear this type of dark humor or they don't even understand, you know. And then it's hard too because, like my daughter, is 16.

Speaker 2: 12:50

Right, but she doesn't drive yet.

Speaker 1: 12:52

So every time I turn around it's I want to go here, I want to go there.

Speaker 2: 12:56

Can you?

Speaker 1: 12:56

cash at me.

Speaker 4: 12:58

And then I got the little boys.

Speaker 1: 13:00

She's trying to drive.

Speaker 4: 13:01

That's good.

Speaker 1: 13:02

I may or may not be slowing the process down by not caring about when I take her to get her license.

Speaker 2: 13:08

Because I'm terrified. No, for real though.

Speaker 3: 13:11

No, for real. One thing about me when I got my license, baby, I was gone.

Speaker 1: 13:16

How much are you going to go with a car and no money? She's going to get your car.

Speaker 4: 13:20

Well luckily for me, I had a car. Yes, that's nice.

Speaker 3: 13:23

You know, I was able to get a car and when I got my car my mom was like where you at? I said I'm in Richmond. She said you where?

Speaker 4: 13:29

Baby Ruby.

Speaker 3: 13:30

Richmond. Okay, get down. Okay, I'm riding around and get it. I'm riding around and get it.

Speaker 1: 13:35

She better not ride around and get nothing. I was shopping, no, but for real.

Speaker 3: 13:38

I really was shopping. When I went out to Richmond my mama just didn't think I was going to take that route. She thought I was just going to be around the area. No, baby once you gave me them keys, it's up, that's it.

Speaker 2: 14:05

Well, I got something it's called the Life 360 app and you can watch wherever they're going and you can also see their average speed. So, even if she rides with somebody else, I'm trying to tell you.

Speaker 1: 14:07

Not back then at your age. I'm the one that's a back then person I was telling my daughter when I was out and about you know, with friends or whatever whether I was driving or with somebody like I had a pager.

Speaker 4: 14:19

Not a pager. Oh my God, Y'all didn't have pagers, did you Jesus? What is a pager?

Speaker 1: 14:24

Okay, I'm old.

Speaker 4: 14:26

What is that shit?

Speaker 1: 14:27

I'm aging myself. But I told her I said I had a pager, so if my mom wanted to get in contact with me she would page me, and then I had to go to a pay phone.

Speaker 3: 14:35

What? The pay phone is even more diabolical than even having to use a fucking payphone.

Speaker 1: 14:41

She's like where are payphones at?

Speaker 4: 14:44

I want to know what they did with them In the jail. Is that where they at?

Speaker 1: 14:53

Yes, they are in the jail.

Speaker 4: 14:54

I mean, that's what I see when I see a payphone, I just can't.

Speaker 1: 14:58

They got video calls and everything now, tablets and shit they done got real fancy for the jail folks I might need to go to jail.

Speaker 4: 15:04

I done got blocked off of there. Don't do nothing crazy or say nothing crazy on there. You're pissing me off. I just need some time, your phone call.

Speaker 1: 15:09

Is that what you're talking about? I don't have to cook or clean. Let me just go to jail you stay there for free, Tucker's jail, either one's fine.

Speaker 3: 15:19

I don't fuck to do.

Speaker 4: 15:21

They do booty juice. What Tuckers do booty juice? If your ass get out of control, they're going to give you something In your booty, yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:29

It's a shot. What's in the juice? Something to make your ass slow down? Yeah, quick.

Speaker 3: 15:34

Real quick Okay.

Speaker 1: 15:36

We need that. So what do you mean by? They put it in your booty, they give you a shot in your butt In the butt.

Speaker 3: 15:44

I don't think in your.

Speaker 1: 15:45

Cheek.

Speaker 4: 15:45

Oh, okay.

Speaker 1: 15:47

Okay, so butt is not the right term when you say in your booty I'm thinking more about.

Speaker 3: 15:52

I don't want to think like that. You never know.

Speaker 4: 15:55

Ouch, get out of there. I don't want it. Why are you there? Exit only.

Speaker 3: 16:01

No, I don't even know why the conversation went there. No, we are trying.

Speaker 1: 16:05

Because it's us.

Speaker 3: 16:06

Exactly. All right, yeah, we're going to do better, we're going to be better, we're going to become better people and we're not going to say the things that we just said about the butts, unless you need booty juice.

Speaker 1: 16:23

All right, enough about the booty juice. All right enough about the juice. So, shannon, um, what challenges have you had? We were talking earlier about um.

Speaker 1: 16:31

Jessica said that y'all were both young moms how do you think that gets in the way of your personal growth when you have kids to take care of and then you're trying to figure out who you are dating aside, what about just your personal mental health when it comes to being young and figuring out who you are trying to get through life and maintain and provide for your kids? Like how does? What are your challenges when it comes to that?

Speaker 4: 16:54

I felt like it was a struggle because you got to worry about school. You're trying to everybody. All your friends at that age are going to college. They living their best lives. You got to figure out how you're gonna work, come home, take care of baby and still go to school, because everybody puts a time gap on everything. Okay, you gotta be done with college by 23 24. You gotta be married. You're supposed to be the ideal person. Is that's just happening for me at 30.

Speaker 4: 17:16

Like it's no way I could have done all of that successfully back then and I felt like I tried to do it all and that's why I I failed. I failed horribly at first. Like school, I was trying to work two jobs, go to school, have two little babies, like I was pregnant, 18 and 21. So I really did my big one with that. So I felt like that was a big challenge, so like, and then I'm locked in in a you know, a relationship I've been in for 10 years. That was toxic half of it. So all of that played a part on my mental and I felt like I was so busy doing wife stuff then and trying to go to school and do the right thing that now when people see me out, they get the misconception of she wants to be a hot girl. Well, I've been in the house for all the years that I was supposed to be a hot girl. So now I'm enjoying late 20s, early 30s and be in anything serious. I think that's, healthy though it is.

Speaker 1: 18:04

You have to figure out who you are without somebody over top of you trying to tell you who they want you to be or who they expect you to be, because if that's not who you are it is okay to not be in that relationship with that person and still figure out who you are Literally. I'm okay with being alone I'm doing fine alone.

Speaker 4: 18:21

about to get my degree. I got four classes left. Oh yes, about to get another little certificate for my nursing.

Speaker 1: 18:27

Not a little certificate.

Speaker 4: 18:28

Wait a minute. Well, it's a medication certificate to go with it, so I can do something a little different. But yeah, and that's by myself, I don't. I mean, I have companionship but I'm not in nothing that's committed. And yeah, that's on my back, on my neck. Oh no, I'm sleeping when I want to sleep, baby, it's no.

Speaker 3: 18:44

Okay, no stipulations. Yeah, because for me, like I had my daughter two days after high school graduation Literally you could imagine, big as hell at graduation.

Speaker 4: 18:56

Now why you look like a whale. You better not have that baby. That's all I'm thinking Like yo if graduation get canceled. I'm like mom, can I get the car If Jessica has her baby tonight? She's like no, yes, girl, I'm gone.

Speaker 1: 19:09

Yes, period.

Speaker 3: 19:10

So what was?

Speaker 1: 19:10

the time difference between you having your first and you having your first.

Speaker 3: 19:13

I had um, I made 28th.

Speaker 4: 19:16

Yes, and I had my baby in. September. So I had some. I was only like six months when we graduated, but I graduated but I was terrible. I didn't make it half of the school year cussed out. The principal got suspended.

Speaker 3: 19:25

I'm like I'm pregnant as a bitch and you, you're really doing a lot on me right now you're stressing me out even further, don't you think it's enough stress that I'm pregnant already here?

Speaker 1: 19:34

still on the honor roll still there. Yeah, like a lot of people don't do that, my best friend had a had my god son in um. We were in the 12th grade, I think.

Speaker 2: 19:43

That was at graduation, literally Like almost two years older.

Speaker 1: 19:47

I think I'd have to look back on that. But yeah it's crazy how people can push through and still do.

Speaker 3: 19:54

okay, I think people cancel out people when they are pregnant in high school. Like you look at them from a different light.

Speaker 2: 20:03

But nine times out of ten.

Speaker 3: 20:07

Somebody else is doing it too.

Speaker 1: 20:09

You know what I'm saying? Well, I mean, it could be any of us. Yeah, it could be any of us.

Speaker 4: 20:12

All my friends was sneaking and geeking. We got caught up, yeah. Really and by choice for me, like it was not, like I knew what I was doing. Mm fully aware, thought I could be a super mama. That shit. Huh, what it's hard. What mom? Please get this baby.

Speaker 3: 20:29

I can't do it. Please help me. Everything that I was like at that age. It's just not appropriate it's really not.

Speaker 4: 20:35

It's not and um.

Speaker 3: 20:37

If I could say anything to the young ladies out there like, save yourself for real you're worth waiting for do it, you're definitely worth waiting for live your life, do the things that you're supposed to do, have success. You know I'm saying enjoy your experiences without kids, and I'm not saying this to say that I regret having my kids early. I'm not saying that but what I'm saying is you have a different outlook on life and you have different opportunities when you give yourself the space to grow and you know kind of mature.

Speaker 3: 21:11

Because if we being honest, um, what is it technically? You, your mind, your brain doesn't mature until you're like 25 26 years old. Definitely. So, what you doing at 17 and 18, you're you five years ahead. You know what I'm saying Five, six, seven years ahead. You got to do better than that, because it's not. It's not conducive to what you want to be or conducive to what you can be Exactly.

Speaker 4: 21:39

So I'm not saying that it's impossible, but I'm saying that it is extremely hard to be a mother at 18 definitely and don't have no baby and you don't have any support because you're really going to struggle like it's not just the baby, something cute for pictures. You got to live with that baby, go to school with that baby work around it. You trying to sleep in the two yo is on your head throwing your phone at you. That was just the other day for me. Like, please, I just want to sleep.

Speaker 3: 22:05

What are you doing to me? Okay, going to do whatever she want to do.

Speaker 1: 22:09

Exactly. It's just whatever she wants to do.

Speaker 3: 22:11

Okay, it's not easy. Sometimes I want to just go in the room and cry.

Speaker 4: 22:16

I just want to experience college Like the college college.

Speaker 3: 22:21

I don't know if I and that's another thing like I don't know if I really wanted to experience. I think I was saved from that, because I feel like if I was in college I would have been wilding out what. I was and I went to college every party did you have a time I'm out of time and the time.

Speaker 2: 22:37

I had a great time. Honestly, I love that.

Speaker 1: 22:39

I'm glad I had a great time, I mean I, I had my daughter younger um but I was. I was married at the time for three years before she came along, and I thought that I was doing everything right.

Speaker 4: 22:52

I got married at 21. How's marriage.

Speaker 1: 22:56

I've learned a lot. Actually, I think marriage is a beautiful thing. I will say, in regards to timing with kids, I think that people should wait until they're like 30 plus. I agree. Just because there is so much that you have to establish financially. Kids are so expensive.

Speaker 1: 23:14

And you really want to be able to give them so much opportunity, not have them have to deal with you having crazy schedules and being stressed about money and relationships. Even, too, you know your kids um feed off of all of these phases that you go through when you're young, and they just have to be a witness to it and experience it with you while you're trying to figure it out and I think that's hard yeah. I gotta apologize to them sometimes like I'm sorry, I um I picked wrong or I'm sorry I exposed you to this.

Speaker 1: 23:46

I've had that conversation particularly with my older two kids just to try to explain to them my intentions when I entered into a relationship and then, also that I realized my wrongs and what they should and shouldn't be exposed to Right, that's true. So if you can wait and you can have things lined up, as hard as that is to do, I think that that's better. That's the best advice to give. Figure yourself out, I'm going to be completely honest. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 24:15

I think about how much your like for us, our firstborns, have really grew with us, Literally.

Speaker 4: 24:24

Because we were so young. A kid raising a kid, yeah. And if I didn't?

Speaker 3: 24:29

have my mom, my dad, my supportive sisters, like I really don't know where I would be. To be honest, and don't get me wrong, their dads are super dads, so I might have picked right there. You know what I'm saying. We're not together but, however you know, they do what they're supposed to do for their kids. So, regardless of what you know, I'm always going to you know, say that they're doing a good job, because that is necessary. I feel like a relationship with a father is so important.

Speaker 3: 25:01

So for me a lot of people when I was younger and I was seeing other people go through their relationships and how they interacted with their kid's father or whatever. It was like you really acting like that to them? Like why are you acting like that to them? You know, I'm saying but I can understand why. But I also I take me out of the situation and I've been doing that since I was younger. It's never about me, it's about them, kids, that's true.

Speaker 3: 25:31

So, with that being said, like you can't, you can't harbor bitterness about whatever situation that other individual put you through. You gotta sit right here and sit in it and understand that this kid still has to flourish. This kid still needs to have some type of success, some type of you know great foundation to say you know, I'm a good person and I'm gonna succeed in life, that's true. But when you be bitter and you go back and forth with your baby daddy and you're not doing the things that you're supposed to do, it really, it really affects the child and that's a that's a message that really need to go out there like stop stop, stop, stop, please stop, because it's serious it is.

Speaker 4: 26:15

I ain't even gonna lie to you, I'm still struggling with it when I sit right here and I feel how much a child needs their father.

Speaker 3: 26:23

I'm never gonna be the person that's gonna say don't let that child go, needs their father. I'm never going to be the person that's going to say don't let that child go with their father. You know what I'm saying? Because she needs that. It's a different sternness with the father than it is with the mother.

Speaker 2: 26:37

And.

Speaker 3: 26:37

I'm starting to learn like now with mother and my 12 year old. Now it's like just taking the time to sit down and talk with her, rather than holler at her or say certain things to her, like she's still a teenager, when she's going into being a teenager and she needs that time to really sit with what being said to her, because sometimes I see that kids will kind of like hold on to stuff and they don't really talk about it, they don't they don't know how to?

Speaker 1: 27:10

I think, so Right. I feel like like what you were saying about me having older kids and then smaller kids.

Speaker 4: 27:15

Right.

Speaker 1: 27:15

I have to try to attack not attack but I have to try to navigate different levels of emotional intelligence with my kids.

Speaker 1: 27:25

Me too, so with the older ones, it's like continuing to encourage them to communicate, continuing to tell them that I'm not judging them. To tell them that I'm not judging them, you can talk to me about anything, but then, when I have a nine and a six-year-old, it's like trying to teach them the foundational part of communication the foundational part of emotional intelligence, where it's like well, you can talk to me, and then I think it has a lot to do with your reaction to what they say.

Speaker 1: 27:53

Because you can sit and tell a kid any day. You can talk to me about anything, but you tell me that and you say you can talk to me about anything and then I I tell you something and you go off.

Speaker 2: 28:04

Yeah, or you go and tell another person. You know they're not going to be comfortable, so it's really about meaning what you say, and just completely um showing that in your actions.

Speaker 1: 28:14

yeah, yeah, because, like my daughter, like I said, she's 16. She's my only daughter. It is like so important to me to not lose her to social media, not lose her to some boy that tells her she's pretty and smart. She's already heard that she's not impressed. She's not impressed by you saying oh, can I take you to wherever?

Speaker 3: 28:35

No she's already been here there and wherever.

Speaker 1: 28:39

But it's so important to me for her to know that she can really talk to me about anything. And that's easy to say, but I will tell y'all, and you know, ari is approaching that age where you have to have these hard conversations your son as well, right.

Speaker 4: 28:53

Yes but I have three girls, your you have to have these hard conversations. I'm not ready. Your son as well, right he's?

Speaker 1: 28:56

talking to me. Yes, but I got three girls your son is the oldest.

Speaker 4: 28:57

Son is the oldest. He going to be a teenager.

Speaker 1: 28:59

So it's easy to say you can talk to me about anything. But when they sit there and talk to you about anything, Literally. You have to watch your face.

Speaker 4: 29:09

You have to watch your reaction.

Speaker 1: 29:16

You have to not get too aggressive. You have to make sure that you don't necessarily share that with somebody else so that they get the wrong feedback. It is so delicate, it is um in the beginning to establish that comfortability with your teenager and then I have another child, who's you know? Nine and six and the six-year-old is like well, he doesn't talk so much about his feelings yet, but how do I show him from such a early age?

Speaker 1: 29:37

because I've already learned from my daughter okay if I talk to her about anything. As she gets older she's comfortable having those hard conversations, but then I have boys under her so it's like my oldest son is like ew, I don't want to talk to you about that, you know. And I'm like, no, let's talk about penises, let's talk about it.

Speaker 4: 29:54

Let's talk about it. My son asked me and I was just like oh shit. Why do I feel like this in the morning when I wake up. Mom, why is it like this?

Speaker 1: 30:04

I just make light of it.

Speaker 3: 30:06

Just give me a second, I'm not ready. Just one second.

Speaker 4: 30:09

You have to take a deep breath.

Speaker 1: 30:17

You have to take a deep breath. I did, I was like and just not react. You have to seem unbothered by the questions. I can't I know, for me, like with my son, he's super, he's super shy he is so embarrassed mine too so I try to just make it like it's no big deal, like we talked about the feeling in the morning pitching a tent, basically and I was like well, it's a circus.

Speaker 4: 30:40

I just try to make it like it's nothing, I just make it.

Speaker 1: 30:42

you know, it doesn't need to be taboo. Anything that happens naturally with your body. It does not need to be taboo.

Speaker 4: 30:48

That's true.

Speaker 1: 30:49

Then they're uncomfortable about things they can't even control, that's true.

Speaker 3: 30:54

Y'all see my glass and y'all glass, okay, sipping slow. Well, that was a good conversation, but right now we're going to step aside and let our sponsors do their thing.

Speaker 2: 31:14

Yes, ma'am, If it's not in-depth, you're just scratching the surface. What's going on, listeners? Before we jump into the next section of the podcast, we want to take a second to thank our incredible sponsors. No Label At no Label.

Speaker 2: 31:33

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Speaker 1: 32:35

All right, y'all, we're back. We're going to talk to Shannon a little bit about relationships, situationships, wherever she's at, because we all take different journeys when it comes to that, no matter the age, no matter if you have kids or not. So, Shannon, where are you at in the relationship space? What's going on with you, girl?

Speaker 4: 32:54

Love life is fucked up, all right? Nah, just kidding y'all. I'm single and dating. So you know, if you is interested, please shoot your shot at me, not if you is interested. I didn't see it at first. I didn't see it, but shoot your shot. I currently I really I'm just chilling Like I had a situationship and it didn't really work, maybe on my end. So I'm just chilling Like I have a person that I'm interested in, but I'm not going to say it's a serious situation yet because I'm still figuring everything out what's best for me, what's best for my kids, what's healthy for me and what's toxic, healthy for the kids? Yeah, because I tend to attract to a certain type of individuals and maybe that's not my soulmate. That's why I'm still out here at my big grown age single.

Speaker 1: 33:43

It's okay to be single.

Speaker 4: 33:44

It is, and I'm promiscuous and that is an issue with a lot of men and I'm dominant and I'm independent.

Speaker 2: 33:51

Men cannot handle women, that got their own everything.

Speaker 4: 33:53

I got my own everything why?

Speaker 1: 33:55

does it make you do that? Because that's the song Pussycat doll. So what do you mean by promiscuous? I feel like people are going to judge you.

Speaker 4: 34:05

I've been judged already. I don't care about it. One thing about my friend she don't give a damn. If I shoot my shot and I see a better homeboy, I'm sorry I shot at both of y'all, I'm sorry if you're mad. Please take this as an apology.

Speaker 3: 34:19

Okay. So when you say, when you see a better homeboy, what do you mean by see a better?

Speaker 4: 34:21

homeboy. I think I just mean look better, because I really don't even really haven't been into the depths that I need to be into Girl get your shit together For real. I'm doing better. You know, look good ain't good and it ain't good for you.

Speaker 3: 34:35

I have learned that.

Speaker 4: 34:37

That's why I have cut everybody off. I'm currently dealing with one person Period and I'm just trying to figure it out why, why, are you dealing with only one person? Because there's no need to keep giving yourself to people and you don't see anything in it. You're wasting these people time and I really need to stop wasting people time, because love is serious and love will get you killed and it's not something I'm willing to die for it's not something I'm willing to die for.

Speaker 4: 35:01

So I'm gonna stop playing with people and think, making them thinking we're gonna do something and we not, like I know it's fun, but it's not forever, so why am I wasting your time?

Speaker 3: 35:09

I mean that's true, though.

Speaker 1: 35:10

That's true though. So what made you focus on this person?

Speaker 3: 35:14

that you're currently focusing on.

Speaker 4: 35:17

He applied pressure. He applied pressure and he's consistent. Ain't nothing better than some consistency and he validates me and everything around me, including my kids, and he understands that this is what come with it. I can't have all her time. I know she got kids and she got two jobs. She trying to fix her house and go to school and work two jobs, like I understand. I get in where I fit in, but I'ma still check on her during the day. I might work at 12, but I'ma call on her every 15. Make sure she alright, make sure her well being when your mental at today. It's those little things that other people don't ask, that he's gonna ask and he gonna keep calling you okay. Well, you sounded off.

Speaker 3: 35:54

I'm just trying to let y'all know something y'all heard it, y'all heard it apply that pressure baby, because I'm telling you when that consistency just goes down the drain like just get the fuck out of my face don't, don't what you doing to me every fucking day. Because what are you doing?

Speaker 4: 36:10

bitch, come pick me up, get ready and be ready at eight.

Speaker 3: 36:14

Clearly you're not doing shit, and when you not doing shit, that means you ain't doing shit. Exactly so that means you're not making money, you're not doing anything to better yourself. You asking me every day what the fuck am I doing?

Speaker 4: 36:26

Knee pad on. What are you doing? Knee to rag. I'm done with niggas, that knee rag.

Speaker 2: 36:30

I'm sorry.

Speaker 4: 36:33

This man got his own car. I'm not doing that. Okay, I understand I have a car, like it's just not at our big grown ages. But I tend to attract a younger crowd. I guess that's because that's what I put off, that's the energy I'm giving, so that's what I'm attracting. So I'm still putting myself in different situations to see, like if I'm going to attract a different population because, I mean, I am a big grown age but that.

Speaker 3: 36:54

But to me I feel like that's good too. It is. It's not singling nobody out, but at the same time it's like you're enjoying your life. You're experiencing things that other people may not experience. So for you once you get to the point bitch, you might be 35, and we at the wedding hey might be your wedding before mine, but we gonna be there and I'm gonna be dancing mad as hell.

Speaker 4: 37:18

Mad as hell because you done married somebody you called your best friend and it want me. Mad as a bitch, but I'm gonna dance. Don't eat this little wedding food and shit that I'm here for. I love a wedding. I love a good wedding If it's not in the cards for me cool Now when I say I want all my friends to get married.

Speaker 3: 37:36

I want you to get married and be happy.

Speaker 4: 37:38

Right.

Speaker 3: 37:42

I don't want you to be married and you just being married because your dude got money or you're married because somehow, some way he's just or for the kids. I'm not doing shit, Furnessing you, making you think that he's just gold Like I want you to be sincerely happy because, at the end of the day, we are all here for a little bit of time.

Speaker 1: 38:00

We don't know how long we're here.

Speaker 3: 38:02

We don't know when we're going to perish. You have to do everything that you have to do for you. Don't sit here and waste your life messing with somebody that don't really want you. That ain't really for you, that's true. You, that's just trying to you know what they trying to do.

Speaker 4: 38:19

Stop playing with yourself Trying to get your good stuff. I'm done giving that shit out y'all no more. Good, good.

Speaker 3: 38:26

Absolutely not, but for real, like really sit there and think about what you want, because sometimes we waste a lot of our years worrying about some dead shit.

Speaker 4: 38:36

Yeah, worrying about the fact that Giving life to a dead situation Stop giving life to it. I'm done with it. Let that bitch die.

Speaker 3: 38:42

The CPR has been over, bitch Let it die Two years ago.

Speaker 4: 38:46

Let it die Cold blue. I'm okay with saying I'm 30 and single, because you know what, fuck it. And okay with it and I'm definitely okay with it.

Speaker 3: 38:58

When I was single, I was okay with it. Literally, you know what I'm saying Because, at the end of the day, I'm just going. I'm going to do what I have to do for me and my kids, exactly. I'm not sitting here. That's not something that I worry about.

Speaker 4: 39:15

We can't take that shit with us. You cannot. That shit is going to be here and your family, whoever got it, going to get rid of that shit. Now what I?

Speaker 3: 39:21

will encourage you to do is make sure you got a life insurance policy.

Speaker 4: 39:24

No that's for real.

Speaker 3: 39:25

Make sure you got some type of medical insurance. Just in case, make sure your kid is straight the day when you leave, you're leaving them to figure shit out for themselves. Literally, yes, they're gonna have somebody that's gonna be over top of them and and watching over them and stuff like that, but it's never gonna be that mother to daughter or mother to son relationship anymore. That's true, so you have to make sure that your kids are set up for success period or just set up for dealing with turmoil right, that's true.

Speaker 1: 39:58

A lot of times when people, people pass, and I can say this from experience um that I've seen anyway is that people pass away or get really sick and um. Their family is overcome by the financial aspect of things when it comes to um whatever care they receive. Uh, you know, before they pass when it comes to whatever care they receive. Before they pass when it comes to debt follows you.

Speaker 4: 40:21

That's true. Does it just go away?

Speaker 3: 40:22

Absolutely no, baby, when you die and you still got to pay on that car. That car's still trying to find you, whether you're dead or not. You ain't dead.

Speaker 1: 40:31

To them, the debt is still there, the debt is there?

Speaker 3: 40:32

People die and leave.

Speaker 4: 40:33

And more. The debt is still there. People die and leave More commonly in the black community, which sucks for us because we don't set safety nets up. We don't think about shit that we should, mostly because we're undereducated by our own parents, because I wish you would have told me not to fuck up my credit when I was 18. I don't blame them but I wish I would have known it was other routes.

Speaker 1: 40:55

Financial education is really.

Speaker 4: 40:57

Teaching my kids now. Yeah, no, baby.

Speaker 1: 41:00

Really important. I see all the time in the field that I work in. I'm a business office manager but I work in hospice. Oh, hospice I see all the time that families. I see that they set up their families for success so that, when the inevitable happens, that you know what's happening.

Speaker 1: 41:19

Basically, yeah, I mean, in some terms, people expect death sooner than later based on diagnosis or whatever. And you do have to set your people up so that they're not only just grieving, excuse me, but also don't have to deal with the financial burden of what's going on. But we're not going to get too heavy. Let's get back to situationships, shannon.

Speaker 4: 41:47

Do you stay in a situationship because the sex is good? Yes, you do. I did, didn't care about what he had going on. Yeah, just if that's good, I'm okay with that. Like I'm taking trips in my bonnet in the weather, don't care, do not care.

Speaker 1: 42:03

I think it depends on you said do you stay in situations because of?

Speaker 4: 42:08

Yeah, even when you know it's bad, it's a bad situation and you know, ultimately, this situation, that's what it is, it's nothing but that. Do you stay, because I have.

Speaker 1: 42:20

I think I have stayed in a situation where I knew it was just that I think, as long as you have communicated effectively, you let that person know that this is what it's going to be and this is all that it's going to be. There's nothing wrong with it. Sometimes you can have your fun. As long as you're single, you're not lying to people or being deceptive.

Speaker 4: 42:40

I'm transparent. Yeah, if you're transparent, I'm very transparent.

Speaker 1: 42:43

You know, I think you should, as long as you are fully aware of what you're getting yourself into on both ends for that person and that other you, then that's okay. It starts to get a little tricky if somebody catches feelings Me then that's okay. It starts to get a little tricky if somebody catches feelings Me.

Speaker 4: 42:56

It starts to get a little tricky In 30 minutes. 30 minutes, it only takes me. 30 minutes, it takes me 30 years. It takes me 30 minutes.

Speaker 2: 43:01

I love you.

Speaker 4: 43:02

Why did you leave? I love you. No, I don't love anybody. You're right though. No, logically speaking no, but like me speaking with I love you in 30 minutes, I don't love you.

Speaker 1: 43:15

In 30 minutes, as a matter of fact, I'm gonna tell you are you here?

Speaker 4: 43:19

get on my nerves, I don't care, you get on my nerves, yeah.

Speaker 1: 43:23

I'm not in that place anymore. But you know, everybody has a past, everybody has that's true.

Speaker 4: 43:27

I'm growing, y'all I'm growing.

Speaker 1: 43:30

I definitely spent since 2020. I've been single up until about a little less than a year ago that's exciting. I unapologetically lived am okay with having a situationship. It was fun while it lasted but at the same time, you know, like I said, I think as long as you're transparent, as long as you make it clear what your intentions are and what they're not, that's all you can do. Besides that, if they go outside of those boundaries, then it's time to yeah, it's time to just go ahead and move on.

Speaker 1: 44:06

I've ended my situationships, I'll still let y'all know, but that was fun as fuck it is fun, but then you know when you get to a place where you want true companionship, somebody that makes your energy, feel comfortable and vulnerable and safe. I think that that's when you know to kind of focus on one individual.

Speaker 4: 44:26

Yeah, so how do you feel, friend, about situationships? You know I had a million of them, not a million. You know, now I'm doing differently.

Speaker 3: 44:34

Yes, I've had situationships.

Speaker 4: 44:38

Do you stay because the sex is good, even if they broke, because you know I'm going to give you a ride and I'm going to do whatever. But like, what are we doing? Like we're old now we can't keep doing that shit.

Speaker 1: 44:49

But that's the thing, though, about situationships they do not get the best version of you.

Speaker 2: 44:52

They don't, honestly, they don't. You say something about.

Speaker 1: 44:54

I'm gonna give you a ride and you be giving them a ride, but mad as hell about it Mad as fuck with my body and I'm like, bro, why do you need a ride?

Speaker 4: 45:01

Why do I have to get up and drop you off? This shit is stupid. Can you drive to?

Speaker 3: 45:04

my house Right Situationships for me. It's crazy that I have to say this, but every person that I have encountered like they may not I may realize, like they're not for me, but they're still good people- yeah, me too Like good people, just young, young minded young, like it's no beef with the people that. I used to have situations with it's no beef like anything, like it's just. I'm not gonna talk bad about you.

Speaker 4: 45:34

I love y'all.

Speaker 3: 45:34

It was so fun y'all know it was fun, but, baby, I can't do it this year, please don't be in me, please, pretty much different place in my life, y'all because I mean in all honesty, some people, when they get in situations they just don't. They're not ready for the type of companionship that you're looking for and that's okay quick, like I'm not mad at that, because you're probably not my person anyway no, I'm just having fun stop wasting that man's time at this age I'm proud.

Speaker 3: 46:03

I'm pretty much in a phase of I'm not trying to waste nobody else's time because I'm not trying to waste no more of mine period. So yeah, with me, not with me taking more control over my time. Yeah, it's more so like I don't want that, like the word control is important more control over my time is more so.

Speaker 1: 46:16

like I don't want that, I think the word control is important.

Speaker 3: 46:19

More control is important.

Speaker 1: 46:20

Yeah, Because I think when you're super young you kind of go with whatever vibe, they're on.

Speaker 3: 46:26

You're going with the flow. That's me still, well not anymore, y'all.

Speaker 2: 46:30

This year is different.

Speaker 4: 46:31

You have to set your boundaries. I do, I do, I do got to set a standard. I do, I do gotta set a standard.

Speaker 1: 46:35

I ain't have one and that doesn't necessarily mean that everybody is marriage material or that that's where you're gonna go with every person but I think that once you realize that somebody is worth spending your time with, somebody is worth opening up to, being vulnerable or whatever, and if they show you that they're a good partner, they're supportive or whatever, it's okay to be like. You know what? I think I'm gonna give you a little, a little bit of me that they're a good partner, they're supportive or whatever. It's okay to be like you know what I think.

Speaker 3: 47:00

I'm going to give you a little bit of me Not in what you were saying What'd you say Fat mom, fat mom, is that her name. Big mama, big, what they call it.

Speaker 4: 47:07

It's a moose knuckle Like you would glow, say, yeah, I don't fucking rain. Yes, friend, it is verified. But beyond that, let's, let's when I stand up, you gonna see it. Let's move on, though. Y'all cause for real.

Speaker 1: 47:29

I really wanna be serious this year.

Speaker 4: 47:31

I wanna be no ain't much back there, but I wanna be serious this year. Make sure you see it from the back, back, back, back back.

Speaker 3: 47:35

I want to be serious no Ain't much back there, but I want to be serious this year, make sure you see it from the back. You got a real moose knuckle if you can see that bitch from the back.

Speaker 4: 47:42

Nah, because what I'm lacking in the back I'm packing in the cat You're packing it in the front. I'm packing it in the cat. Okay, you better believe it. Don't fuck around with these people. Oh my God, I am weak. Do you hear me?

Speaker 1: 47:56

I knew I was going to have a moment like this with you. I'm doing better, y'all I swear, though that was all that's all old.

Speaker 4: 48:01

They wanted to talk about it, so I talked about it, because I really don't care about the shit I've been through, because I done been through with some embarrassing ass. Niggas got me, you got me bitch, you got me bitch, but you won't get me again. You won't get me a second time. You got me out here wildin', but I'm not doing that this year because I feel like if somebody fuck with you, they gonna show you that. They gonna show you who they are immediately. And then them red flags, baby, I put them in my pocket and keep going. That's the problem.

Speaker 3: 48:30

And since you brought that up so diligently, you did that so diligently.

Speaker 1: 48:35

Thank you. What are your red flags? I don't have none, because I'm going to put them in my pocket and keep going.

Speaker 4: 48:39

I don't care about them. Look at them, bitches. If they look good, the red flag don't matter, but I'm telling you, the red flags really do, y'all the red flags matter whether you look good or you don't, Nigga look good. I ain't got nothing going on, nothing I don't of a damn how good you look if you ain't got. Fuck it, fuck it I'ma slap that face, cause his mama probably bored dumb and I'ma slap her too, and I'm not fucking with you if your mama buying your shit period.

Speaker 3: 49:02

You know what? I'm saying now don't get me wrong birthdays and shit like that. You know your mama wanna buy you something that's cute.

Speaker 4: 49:07

No, if your mama if your mama, yes, if she's fully involved. Baby, do not DM me. I don't want no man that his best friend's with his goddamn mama. I got it.

Speaker 1: 49:19

I got the titty tape. Please Right here.

Speaker 4: 49:22

Please, Because I done dealt with that firsthand and I'm saying y'all better slap the mama. Oh, but you know it is what it is Moving on. Don't slap her Red flags, though is for real y'all. Communication is a red flag. A nigga that's gonna text you crazy. I knew from the jump you wanted one for me, baby. You can't even send a sentence. What are we talking?

Speaker 3: 49:40

about, oh my god, what's up?

Speaker 4: 49:41

beautiful lady Bitch, you better go head, first of all, the people that can't text correctly is so and so, so and so and so yeah. Got a nigga going crazy. What the fuck is nikka N-I-K-K-A Nuka's? Crazy as hell that Nuka going crazy over that. Nuka.

Speaker 1: 49:58

I can't say that word guys, you're blocked.

Speaker 4: 50:02

You did that, thank you for being illiterate.

Speaker 1: 50:04

Listen, I will not utter those words just so y'all know for the record.

Speaker 4: 50:09

She can say what she want y'all. She can say what she want y'all. I will not utter the N-word. She's been verified.

Speaker 1: 50:14

Verified. Verified. I will not play around with the N-word Do it.

Speaker 4: 50:17

if you want, I dare you. No, I will not. I dare you.

Speaker 3: 50:20

You said knuckle. She said knuckle With a K-K-A. He said N-I-K-K-A.

Speaker 4: 50:24

And I said don't worry about it.

Speaker 1: 50:29

Don't you worry about it baby.

Speaker 3: 50:31

What's crazy.

Speaker 4: 50:33

I love that she look like a Spanish with that hair.

Speaker 3: 50:36

I look Puerto Rican.

Speaker 4: 50:39

When you deal with somebody that can't spell. And you was an English teacher. Baby, you have to go, you have to go.

Speaker 3: 50:50

How do you look at yourself in the mirror when you realize that?

Speaker 4: 50:54

you was fucking with somebody that could not really spell.

Speaker 3: 50:57

Now listen. I understand Sometimes, you know, people just can't spell. That's a thing. It is a thing. I'm out for someone else.

Speaker 1: 51:04

They all need you to be a spelling bee winner.

Speaker 4: 51:07

Spade.

Speaker 3: 51:08

Win the spelling bee before you talk to me.

Speaker 4: 51:12

Yo, simple ass, Don't come texting me with that bullshit, no more, ain't. No, nigga you beautiful, link up you gonna do. I'm not doing none of that, absolutely not. Fuck that message.

Speaker 3: 51:20

So is that the red flag.

Speaker 4: 51:21

That's definitely a red flag. If you can't text baby and nothing else, we can talk about it. What are we talking about exactly? What do you mean? What are we talking about?

Speaker 3: 51:29

No, I was just saying at that point, because you killed the conversation when you couldn't spell bitch, it's not that hard.

Speaker 4: 51:35

Autocorrect is there for a reason. Use it.

Speaker 1: 51:38

It's there. Some people go out of their way to ignore it. Push the button and ignore autocorrect. Stop ignoring them.

Speaker 3: 51:42

So I know you wrote N-I-G-G-A and you're going to put K-K-A.

Speaker 4: 51:51

Listen Over here. Don't send it. I don't want it. Keep that shit. Let me see, stupid ass boy. I'm going to send you, I'm going to send you somewhere. I realized I was too old. When he sent me that, I said oh yeah, not for me baby, have a good day.

Speaker 1: 52:02

Have a good day. I have to ask you what the what that mean.

Speaker 4: 52:05

What is that abbreviation? I don't know what it is bitch.

Speaker 2: 52:11

I don't care, I'm not interested anymore.

Speaker 3: 52:15

once, I don't know, there's a lot of abbreviations that I don't know. None of them. I'm going to be completely honest. It was one I can't remember. I really wish I, when I remember what it is, I'm going to tell y'all on the next episode. I'm asking my kids because what my abbreviation in my head? Not go with the sentence.

Speaker 1: 52:32

I'm like what are you calling me? I'm offended, I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 3: 52:36

Oh, okay, it must be the old age, or something.

Speaker 4: 52:39

Another red flag y'all is not a good job Like not even a job and you ain't got a job at all, and you in between houses with your fucking baby mama oh hell no, and you ain't had a job in. Say that again. In between houses with your baby mama, y'all roommates, you are involved with her do not hit me up.

Speaker 4: 52:58

Oh you, fucking her, fucking the damn socks off that bitch and she pregnant next year. I'm not doing it, don't hit me up. If you live with her, do not cause that man don't live with me and you won't live with her cause I'm not doing it no in between, when you figure it out come to me here, bitch. I didn't hurt you. That's didn't hurt you. That's a red flag, because you're talking about I'm hurt, what?

Speaker 1: 53:18

What? Y'all weren't supposed to be quiet. You said very specific. Let's talk about it. I just don't catch it.

Speaker 4: 53:24

It is specific. But don't come to me hurt because I didn't hurt you. Come to me healed because I'm trying to make you better.

Speaker 1: 53:30

But to convince me that you are healed that you living with your baby mama is not a thing.

Speaker 4: 53:35

It is, though. It's a real thing. A lot of people are doing it, she walking around in her bonnet and her muumuu. That is a certain level and y'all are having sex.

Speaker 3: 53:42

There is a certain level of intimacy there Sex how they do it on YouTube and Facebook.

Speaker 4: 53:51

Freaky ass shit. I'm telling you, come to me healed, because hurt people, hurt people and that's my favorite saying, I'm going to stress it all the time hurt people hurt people.

Speaker 3: 54:00

Okay, drop that gem. Hurt people, hurt people, hurt people.

Speaker 4: 54:02

I done, did it, I done, done it and I'm done with it. And you don't come to me hurt because I'm not coming to you hurt.

Speaker 3: 54:08

I'm coming to you healed, run away, fuck yeah if you ain't right right run away.

Speaker 1: 54:12

Being healed is really important too.

Speaker 4: 54:14

It is, and it's hard, it's hard but it's.

Speaker 1: 54:16

I think that healing is a process like an ongoing process. It is Because I would never look at somebody and say, oh, I'm healed from this situation.

Speaker 4: 54:24

Right, I'm delivered. It's ongoing. It is. I'm still healing, but I'm better. It's an ongoing struggle, I think Better.

Speaker 1: 54:31

Because no matter what you're always going to, no matter what you are always going to, no matter what situation you're in or if you get into a super healthy relationship, you're still going to have things that happen that kind of bring things back to the forefront. I've had moments, I know, in my current relationship where In the back of my head I'm like normally I would react this way, or my brain goes straight to a certain place and I have to use discipline to make sure I'm like this does not apply to this person.

Speaker 3: 55:01

No, for real, this person has not given me any of these.

Speaker 1: 55:05

Literally, you have to talk to yourself.

Speaker 3: 55:08

What's that lady named that be on podcasts doing all types of crazy stuff? Which one? The auntie Rick Ross' baby mama?

Speaker 1: 55:15

She literally Tia Kemp.

Speaker 3: 55:16

Literally.

Speaker 4: 55:17

I do love her. She's great For real. She's very blonde. Get to it.

Speaker 3: 55:21

I've had that situation happen recently and I'm just like I had to take the time to just step away from the situation. Yeah, hold on, wait a. To just step away from the situation. Yeah, like, hold on, wait a minute.

Speaker 1: 55:32

And it can be something simple. Like you just go somewhere and like any other time. Yeah, any other time.

Speaker 4: 55:40

I'm going to do it. I'm going to Kirk out Probably slap your ass but I'm doing better I do. And one thing about it I'm doing better, though y'all, I'm not going to slap your butt.

Speaker 3: 55:48

I'm healing, not healed Healing.

Speaker 4: 55:50

That's good, though Not healed, and I can't accept that though I'm not going to accept the bullshit I was dealing with, but I mean I will slap your ass because I'm still on that, it's still in me.

Speaker 3: 56:02

The crash out is still in me.

Speaker 4: 56:03

As you can see, we still got a crash out. I'm just doing better, yeah healing not healed.

Speaker 1: 56:08

We're trying to get better.

Speaker 4: 56:10

Not healed, but I'm healing. What is healed though I don't know if that's a thing I don't know. I guess healed is like healthy Loving in a relationship that is not Appeared to be toxic Because everything can be toxic and bringing out the toxic stuff in you, because I would honestly say, the relationship that I'm in currently Doesn't bring out that toxic stuff. It doesn't trigger you, you know what I'm saying Not to say that my last relationship was horrible.

Speaker 3: 56:33

Doesn't bring out that toxic stuff in me. Don't make you want to be his ass. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, not to say that like my last relationship was horrible. I'm not saying that but to say like I'm just at peace with all decisions that I make.

Speaker 2: 56:43

I love that and that just feels, so much better.

Speaker 3: 56:44

Like when I go to sleep at night, I don't give a damn.

Speaker 4: 56:46

You know what I'm saying I keep snoring with my bonnet on.

Speaker 3: 56:49

I mean even when I was I need to start wearing a bonnet.

Speaker 4: 56:53

I wear it sometimes. Sometimes I don't give a fuck. I wear it sometimes Go to sleep.

Speaker 1: 56:58

But do you think that's because you worked on yourself and you're just not as bothered? Or do you think it's a combination of that and the person that you're dealing with?

Speaker 3: 57:06

Can I bring up something? Yeah, that kind of like might, you know, create some diversity in the conversation, shocked you in a relationship.

Speaker 4: 57:15

I'm shocked you in a relationship.

Speaker 3: 57:16

I'm going to be the first one to fucking say it. I'm glad you said it, friend. You beat me, tell it.

Speaker 4: 57:20

Tell it because you know I don't fuck with people Very nonchalant, very going to carry a nigga how they carry her. She is the nigga, okay. I'm not Okay relationship. I was knocked off my feet literally on the flow play with somebody trying to figure some shit out with me, but no, happy for you though. Oh, thank you, happy for you.

Speaker 1: 57:37

I love that um stages baby literally.

Speaker 4: 57:40

So I'm not there yet.

Speaker 3: 57:42

I hate that I'm saying this on camera, but at the end of the day, it needs to be said because somebody else might feel the same way I feel and we need to talk about it. So for me, I I feel as though I don't trust people. I don't, and I feel like that gives me the avenue to take the route where I'm not going to crash out about you because I'm not putting 100% trust in you. So if I don't put 100% trust in you, then if you do some fuck shit, I'm not going to crash out about you because at the end of the day, in the back of my mind, I'm already like you know it could happen. I feel like every woman needs to do that.

Speaker 4: 58:20

I want to be like that.

Speaker 3: 58:21

For one to me, I feel like why would you trust another human being with your safety and security and the fact that they won't do something to you when in all actuality they can, but you don't trust God enough to?

Speaker 1: 58:40

Shit. You know what I had to learn and I think we had this conversation it was like a light bulb that went off for me because I think we put a lot of trust in real estate and people, and what I had to learn is other people do not dictate my life At all. What I had to learn is other people do not dictate my life.

Speaker 4: 58:56

At all. I had to learn it.

Speaker 1: 58:57

For example, if a man you know, however, my interaction is with him, or whatever his expectation of me, I'm not going to dictate my life or my love life. Based on that, what I had to learn, and I think I told you this, is I had to learn to trust me.

Speaker 2: 59:12

Because I think that told you

Speaker 1: 59:13

this I had to learn to trust me, because I think that people are going to come and go, people are going to be who they are. But, like I had to learn that I have to trust my discernment and. I think for a while, while I was single since 2020. Is that me?

Speaker 3: 59:28

too, we're going to put that on timestamp, just so we know 2020 been single since 2020.

Speaker 4: 59:33

Me too 2025. Me too. In case there's any questions, shit gets better. Okay, I don't win. I need a date Like now For the culture and for the community 2020 is where it was at.

Speaker 1: 59:44

However, what I was going to say is I had to learn that I think, actually where the trust issue was was in myself. I agree. Yeah, because I chose. Like people are going to come and go and they're going to present themselves. However they're going to present themselves, I'm a dog. Sometimes it's genuine, sometimes it's with a motive. She's stressing me out every day.

Speaker 3: 1:00:06

Doing better. I'm a dog. I'm a dog.

Speaker 1: 1:00:08

So Shannon, what I can say to you is and Jessica, we had this conversation already. I said that I had to learn to trust myself, literally, with my choices, with truly knowing what I want, also knowing what I have to offer for another person. Because let's be real here Sex, a pretty face, being able to cook, those are like.

Speaker 4: 1:00:32

That's easy, easy. Everybody should be good at that.

Speaker 1: 1:00:35

If you're not, bitch, you fired how do I make you feel when you're going through family issues?

Speaker 2: 1:00:39

how do I make?

Speaker 1: 1:00:40

you feel, because I think a lot of times we focus on what the other person has to offer us. But I think that what do I have to offer you? And also, once I show what I have to offer you, I have to just trust that. Either, also once I show what I have to offer you, I have to just trust that, either you're going to receive that and embrace it and feel like you are fortunate.

Speaker 3: 1:00:58

That's true.

Speaker 1: 1:01:00

Or you're not going to show me certain characteristics that make you deserving of that.

Speaker 3: 1:01:07

I can't wait until we get a man on this show so we can ask them like Please bring me back when the man come because I'm going to ask him everything, why y'all act like y'all act, stupid-ass boys, what? Makes you cheat, you know even.

Speaker 4: 1:01:20

What is the excitement when you have?

Speaker 3: 1:01:21

everything at home when you're with somebody.

Speaker 4: 1:01:23

That's true.

Speaker 3: 1:01:24

When you're with somebody.

Speaker 4: 1:01:25

I didn't do it and you're planning.

Speaker 3: 1:01:28

You know what I'm saying. What makes you say this bitch, getting on my nerves so motherfucking much, I want to cheat and then it be with a dog. Hoe, like, please don't piss me like somebody didn't know, with a big ass.

Speaker 4: 1:01:43

That's it right there. They don't look for a personality job or nothing. The bitch got 85 kids and everything else going on just doing what she want to fucking do.

Speaker 4: 1:01:52

When we cheat, we cheat. When we cheat, we cheat with intent. We cheat because we ready to piss our nigga off. This man got a car, two jobs, a business, llc. He doing his own thing. Why he going to cheat? Bitch, you made me mad because you done cheated with a nigga that got way more going on he paying your bills. I mean I'm just, it's just nobody forever. But I mean you might find somebody If you do. Put them on to me too.

Speaker 4: 1:02:15

Not put them on to me too, this motherfucker but honestly, y'all, if you find somebody that's doing that, you better keep them, because I'm going to get them if not. But we really we cheat with intent. I feel like that and I've noticed that because when I cheat, I'm not going to cheat with a nigga that's doing worse. I'm going to cheat with a nigga that's going to be like boom, he got a job, bitch, he got two cars, a house.

Speaker 3: 1:02:36

He doing something with his life.

Speaker 4: 1:02:37

What is your punk ass doing Nothing over here Pissing me off? Men don't put a lot into it.

Speaker 1: 1:02:46

If you don't cheat. I think they compare themselves to they doing. Do they have money?

Speaker 4: 1:02:49

You want to cheat with this and that he a lame. I don't care he doing better than you, baby, it's lame if he's doing better, but when? Exactly.

Speaker 1: 1:02:56

What are you when it comes to the women that men cheat with?

Speaker 4: 1:02:57

it does not matter, it don't, they can just be willing. It's like a fuck, it's a social, it's a relief, it's a vent.

Speaker 1: 1:03:11

He don't have automatically follow the line.

Speaker 4: 1:03:12

I'm trying to do better, though it's no nagging.

Speaker 1: 1:03:14

Right, If I have to nag, that means I'm teaching you how to be and I'm not teaching nobody Can't raise a man.

Speaker 3: 1:03:24

With how you said that you approach men or whatever.

Speaker 4: 1:03:26

When you try to cheat or whatever, you know what I'm saying Trying to cheat I. I'm trying to cheat, I ain't going to baby, I now understand why men say the things.

Speaker 3: 1:03:30

They say like, oh well, we just cheat just off the, you know.

Speaker 4: 1:03:34

Off the GP.

Speaker 3: 1:03:35

No.

Speaker 4: 1:03:35

I'm cheating because, baby, what you got going on, because maybe it's something better, like it's an alternative motive. Like I'm not just cheating with you and you as broke as the man I'm with. So then do you in turn go and tell her, the man that you cheated?

Speaker 3: 1:03:54

on Damn right. That's why this nigga got a car. He got a good night's at his house.

Speaker 1: 1:03:56

He living in the hills? When I tell you that yes, do you have to ask?

Speaker 4: 1:03:57

Look, at my face.

Speaker 3: 1:03:58

I'm telling you she don't give a fuck.

Speaker 4: 1:04:00

I don't, but y'all, I'm doing better America, Please, america, don't judge me and I won't judge y'all if y'all don't judge me, cause I didn't. We're not judging. I really have been through a lot of situationships and the shit is crazy. All my stories, everything is crazy. But I really am a genuine person. But, like I just been, I have ran through some crazy ass men and it just is what it is. It's all experiences, all lessons.

Speaker 3: 1:04:25

I don't have nothing bad to say a few of y'all motherfuckers won't write, Won't worthy Was not worthy, but you know.

Speaker 4: 1:04:35

I gave y'all the wife treatment, gave y'all the everything.

Speaker 1: 1:04:38

Let's talk about that. Hold on Wife treatment let's talk about that.

Speaker 4: 1:04:42

Meals, coochie, fuck, fed and financed. Let's talk about it. Big mama, big mama, ain't no little cat, fat cat, big mama, ain't no little cat, fat cat. I do, I'm telling you. It's just the truth, though, carmen, and bald, because I'm going to wax that baby. But back to what you were saying. How did you get off the mic? Cut the mic, dj D-Man.

Speaker 3: 1:05:11

No, for real.

Speaker 4: 1:05:19

For real. All I'm hearing is shannon's coochie. I'm sorry if you ain't just coochie, it's coochie, coochie, big mama, big when you think of that, that's my lotto did it.

Speaker 3: 1:05:24

She was thinking about you when she said that's good, let me stop talking shit y'all.

Speaker 4: 1:05:27

I'm really I promise, if you know, you know, if you know, you know, if you know you know, I don't even know anymore.

Speaker 1: 1:05:35

It's crazy hey look y'all oh, I was gonna ask, shannon, what would make you, you know, lock it down.

Speaker 4: 1:05:43

What would make?

Speaker 3: 1:05:44

you focus on one individual.

Speaker 4: 1:05:47

I think it would be. It gotta be the persistence it gotta be. You gotta be able to hold accountability, baby, cause we grown as hell, don't? You can't just be doing shit and not having no real reason for doing it. We not 21, 22, we are late 20s, 30s. You have to be accountable, you have to have a plan and I'm not saying you gotta be the richest, but you have to be working towards something. You can't just be comfortable unless you already rich, living your dream life like I. I feel like you have to have something going on. I'm not in it for the money, because I got my own. I work two jobs, I'm in school, I'm doing my own thing. I don't need your money. So when?

Speaker 3: 1:06:19

I get with somebody.

Speaker 4: 1:06:20

It's going to be with somebody I want.

Speaker 3: 1:06:21

And can I just say for the record, my girl been working two jobs for some years, over 10 years. Okay, I.

Speaker 4: 1:06:28

I'm not asking you for nothing. I can't reciprocate. So if you say no to my bag, I'm going to get the bag anyway, because I just wanted to see where your heart was at. Baby, I can buy it myself. Honestly, kids don't need a daddy. I do that part, that part. Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy daddy.

Speaker 1: 1:06:43

Big mama, but that's what's on my mind right there, because.

Speaker 4: 1:06:46

I'm super independent as well.

Speaker 1: 1:06:48

Whether a man is in my house or not, the bills will be paid.

Speaker 4: 1:06:51

Literally, there will be groceries, nice clothes, iphones.

Speaker 1: 1:06:55

All of the things are taken care of regardless. But I have found that being an independent woman and saying you don't need a man, Scared for niggas Is a little emasculating. So there's a fine line between allowing a man to be a man, accepting help, accepting that he just wants to do something to contribute, and then also being independent, because me personally, I have never asked a man for a dollar.

Speaker 4: 1:07:23

Literally. I don't feel like this, I don't do the whole.

Speaker 1: 1:07:27

can you get my nails done, or can I borrow?

Speaker 4: 1:07:29

I'm going to shoot the shot. You want a picture of me? You're going to send me the money for the nails. You want a picture of me? You gonna send me the money for the nails and the toes. You wanna see everything? You bitch, send it. Yeah, what do you mean? But even if you don't send it, i'ma get it done. That's on you. I mean like yeah, when niggas say you got your nails, them toes, you didn't pay for them, did you pay for them? You?

Speaker 3: 1:07:53

didn't pay for them, but did you pay for them?

Speaker 4: 1:07:54

I had a man come back and say, but I'm gonna Put them in my mouth. Oh, he got a picture For sure.

Speaker 3: 1:07:58

He got a picture I ain't gonna lie. My free ass, freaky ass girl. I'm doing better y'all what you gonna say.

Speaker 4: 1:08:06

The other word what?

Speaker 3: 1:08:09

was you? What was you saying, carmen? I don't even know, I'm sorry y'all.

Speaker 4: 1:08:14

I'm sorry, I'm doing better, shannon, it has been real. Thank you Y'all. Tap in with my bitches Cause this show is lit. It's nice. I'm gonna come back one day Like subscribe and get with them. Press that damn bell and do what you do. Get with us, shannon, we love you. Fuck with them, don't fuck without them, okay period.

Speaker 3: 1:08:30

You heard what I said. Sometimes y'all can fuck without us.

Speaker 4: 1:08:34

Y'all get what I'm saying, though, no matter my moment.

Speaker 1: 1:08:38

Shannon, thank you for coming. It's always a pleasure, it's always a ride. We absolutely love you. Yes, we love you, love you, love you.

Speaker 4: 1:08:44

Can I have that? Because you ain't drinking? It really was. Thank my friends couple. Yes, thank you, but it's not really up. It ain't to the rim, baby, it's just like a quarter cause she don't need no more but listen y'all.

Speaker 3: 1:08:57

Last thing I wanna say this is my best friend. I love her to death.

Speaker 4: 1:09:00

I love her so much we have been through a lot together.

Speaker 3: 1:09:03

She has been there through all of my good times, my bad times, all of it. Vice versa.

Speaker 4: 1:09:09

When I tell you that she's literally I'm gonna get bailed out by her, and if she don't, y'all say something.

Speaker 3: 1:09:16

Literally, she's a genuine gem and to be honest, I mean it's nothing else to say.

Speaker 4: 1:09:24

I love y'all, Thank y'all for having me and thank y'all because Carmen came into my life and she's great. And for real, though, when they get rich, I'm going with them. Yes, you are I mean, there's no question, even as a hype man bitch, I'm going to be on the stage jumping whatever I need to do.

Speaker 3: 1:09:38

And she can do anything. She do massages. What else you do?

Speaker 4: 1:09:42

Them freaky ones too. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Tell them about your OnlyFans that don't have nothing on it.

Speaker 1: 1:09:50

OnlyFans subscribe, please. Thank you, she got pretty feet apparently.

Speaker 4: 1:09:55

They paying for them toes baby.

Speaker 3: 1:09:57

They paying for them and they like for somebody to say nasty, okay, all right.

Speaker 4: 1:10:01

That's it.

Speaker 3: 1:10:02

That's it y'all. Thank you y'all. We love y'all. Have a good night.

Speaker 4: 1:10:11

We love y'all. Thank Please come again.